Been a while since I posted here. Happy New Year to anyone reading, and my best wishes for a wonderful 2006.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, my k and I have been out of contact for twelve, yes TWELVE, entire days now, and it'll be two more before we get to talk again. Now this was foreseen, and meditated upon, and dreaded. This has been taking place during the holidays, when there are plenty of distractions. This has really not been all that long compared to other times apart.
This has been absolutely unconditionally unbearable.
*puts on Ranting Dom suit*
Those of you who read this blog know how k's and my lives have interwoven to a degree neither of us really thought possible in an online relationship, and we've expanded our communications from IM and chat into text messaging and voice mail and the occasional phone conversation. This has meant that hardly a day goes by that we don't have some form of contact, even if it's just a quick email or text message. But there's been nothing for 12 days, and this kind of dry spell is just agony.
This is partly self-imposed. I said "Hey we're both gonna be busy. I want you to just have a good time and be able to take a break, even from me. It's not for all that long." Well my resolve crumbled awful quick, as I guess I knew it would. I started emailing a few days ago, knowing that she wouldn't be able to read my messages yet. The emails are just building up in her inbox and she'll likely have to spend the better part of an evening just reading through them, but I need the contact, even if it is one-sided. Need to know that I can touch her with my words. Need to imagine her reading my mails later and laughing or getting that dreamy happy-subbie look in her eyes.
Adding to the general ache is the fact that even once we're able to have some contact again, it will most likely be just emails and text messages, no actual IMing or phoning or any of that for another week or so. But right now I swear I'll take anything.
Terrifically un-Domly of me to pine away for my girl like this, I'm sure, but can't be helped. Hooked on her and I ain't apologizing for it.
The one sort of nice thing is that, despite the time apart, I've been able to feel the connection between us still. It's a fixed part of me now, the chain that tethers k to me, and even when she's not around, I can stop for a moment and just feel that deep connection. I can imagine her presence too, of course, and vividly. But for some reason it's more deeply soothing and intensely energizing to think of "us" and this imaginary connecting chain. Thinking only of her (which, it should go without saying, I still do constantly) makes me feel like half my heart's been cut out. Thinking of "us" gives me some kind of solace and contentment, because I know we are bound together, even when one of us is absent. I'm in her mind and she's in mine.
Hurry back home to your Dom, my lovely k.
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2 comments:
I sooo relate! Rush and I have come to loathe the weekends, the looooong two days we have to be apart. By Monday morning usually, we're ready to rip one another's clothes off just to sate the animal that is created in that absence. With the holidays, weekends have been longer. This past weekend, we were apart for FOUR days. Not a lot by most people's reckoning, but for Him and I, it was the longest we've been apart since I moved here and about killed us. Two lovemaking sessions just barely took the edge off LOL. To say nothing of the D/s needs or BDSM needs. He bit my throat last night and reminded me He owns me, and I needed it so bad, I BEGGED Him to do it again and again. Now if only He'd beat my ass a bit, we'll be back to normal ;)
Great to know that I'm not the only one in this boat, taylor... Think it's gonna take a good 48 hours of fucking and spanking and fun to even begin to slake this lust I've got built up for my girl.
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