Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Hot Chocolate

So it should come as no surprise that I love to eat - think I've mentioned that enough times here. My enjoyment of hot chocolate, though, goes beyond the usual sensual pleasures of food and drink. I don't make it unless it's cold, and it carries the connotation of introspection, a gathering inward both physical and mental. Not so much a "hearth and home" thing, as just a slower and more muted flow between myself and the outside world.

Making chocolate takes some time, at least the way I make it, and of course I've got my favorite ways to do it so that it comes out right. It's important to me that it be rich, for one thing. Whole milk only, please (or soy milk in a pinch, still better than lowfat, and with that nutty kind of edge to it). I've got to feel that I'm really drinking something substantial, with some body to it.

I like the bitterness of chocolate balanced by the sweetness of sugar, but not overwhelmed by it. The tension between the two is sexy. And add in some savory elements, which of course are my well-kept secret, and maybe a dash of vanilla. The whole thing must be simmered at low heat for a long time, with care and patience as the flavor matures, but also with snapping whips of the wire whisk to keep everything blended properly and create a nice froth on top.

Is it any wonder that making a good cup of cocoa makes Me ache to touch My far-richer, far-sweeter, far more complex, far far far more fulfilling k?

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Starting the Day Off right

Have I mentioned recently how I do love the phone sex with my succulent k? This morning we happened to manage about 40 minutes together before we each had to leave for our respective workplaces. I wanted more than anything to make her cum.

I flipped on my webcam, and basically just stared at her through it, while my fingers flew over the keyboard. Probably the most typographical errors ever, but I think the gist of what I was getting at went through. I didn't want her to type back to me, and she didn't. Just watched my eyes and read my words and rubbed her clit and imagined all the things I was describing.

And then time was running short - I picked up the phone and continued our little "scene" that way, still with her just listening. Well, not exactly just that. She made delicious noises: the tight sharp hisses and keening whimpers and throaty moans I love more than anything. They are still ringing in my ears now, hours later. She gasped my name as she came, which is a pure miracle every time it happens.

So yeah, sometimes having a time limit can be fun. Sometimes my subbie having to be quiet because of roommates that might hear her can be fun. Always pulling my gorgeous k down deep into that spiral of submission and drawing her orgasm out in unraveling sheer ribbons of ecstasy is transcendent pleasure.

Perfect way to relax before work. Thanks, telecommunications industry!

Monday, November 20, 2006

A Woman's Touch

A couple of times recently, my spectacular k has brought up her fantasies about being intimate with another woman. It never fails to evoke a rich melange of emotional reactions in me. I'm not going to sort it all out here today, obviously, but I'm going to start the process by listing and annotating some of the stronger components of the reaction, as I feel it today anyway.

1. The overarching feeling is that this is a beautiful part of my sweet k's personality and one of many tantalizing parts of her complex innerworkings of desire. I love this aspect precisely because it is intrinsic to who she is.

2. She belongs to me. Our bond is deep and strong and true, a a fundamental strand in that bond is the exclusivity of our arrangement. Justifiably and unabashedly greedy, I don't want to share her.

3. And yet, her complete sexual and emotional fulfillment is a very important aspiration. Short of major medical procedures, this is a fantasy that I'll never be able to realize for her by myself.

4. Our D/s relationship is the most sublime, the most wondrous, the most soul-expanding experience of my life. The power-exchange is beautiful and instinctual and heady with meaning. Any alteration in the circumstances (even just playing around here and there) is bound to result in changes to the dynamic. This doesn't scare me as much as it just makes me wonder.

5. I would love to be part of my luscious k's exploration of this side of herself. To be present, involved in some way or other, with her first overtly-sexual touch of another woman would be so intense - seeing her learn about herself is always amazing. Knowing more of who she is can only be better.

6. Two women making out = hot!

Anyway, these are some of the thoughts that pop into my head each time the subject comes up. It's not like there is a plan or a destiny here - just the musings of an overanalytical mind. Certainly nothing's going to happen to change the direction we are going when we haven't even met in person yet. Right now, that's the most immediate goal - anything beyond is conjecture.

Before I collared her, irresistibly sexy k used to play with other women in the chatrooms, and several times the two of us would have scenes with other submissive women. That was all back before I fell in love with her, though, and when having D/s scenes online was purely diversion. I find my mind looking from a completely new angle now (though yeah, #6 proves that some of the old mindset remains).

When the time comes, we'll figure out what's right for her, right for us. And no matter what shape that takes, she will always be mine.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Time Slip

Time slips by so quickly sometimes, like warm water sluicing between interlaced fingers.

This week and next are difficult ones for me ... lots of work and lots of family things happening, which means not as much time online with my glorious k. So naturally I have been setting her up with several offline assignments to do for me - most of them not particularly sexual (but yeah some are of course), just simple things that can keep us in contact, keep her feeling subbed-out, keep her on the road to graduate school next year.

Normally I'm very loose with these things, letting stuff slide and only having a deadline for the sake of having a deadline. But especially with the grad-school things, there are real-world actual deadlines looming, so I'm trying to tighten down.

But that is hard to do. My stupendous k has a job, has social acitvities, has roommates, has other obligations. She deserves time to relax, too. I've been trying to find the right mix of enticements, coaxing, threats, cajoling, inspiration, and guidance to move things along. I haven't found that right mix yet.

I catch myself bordering on frustration sometimes, when I narrow my focus down and think of this as a "problem" to be solved. But it only takes one smile or turn of phrase from that amazing girl to remind me that it's not that at all. It's just the two of us, madly in love, working out our roles as we go.

It's me learning to be her Dom, and that just takes some time.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Dreaming Away


This marks six nights in a row that I have dreamed of my owned k. Each one has been different, varying in setting, tone, length, depth, wildness. But in each I have dominated her and she has submitted to me. Sometimes it's been a sparkle in her eyes and a catch in her sigh. Sometimes it's been her surrendering her body as a vessel for my lusts. Sometimes it's been her discovering her own inner strength again through me. Sometimes it's been her active and mischevous seeking of ways to serve. Sometimes it's been an achingly beautiful laying bare, an offering of her whole self.

Sometimes I've awoken in woozy reverie, sometimes in stark shock at the power of her love, always with a turgid and pulsating cock that seems to want to point, dowsing-rod-like, to the wellspring of My desire, far to the southeast.

I dream of my splendid k very often, but this is the longest stretch of nights on end that I've ever had. It may have something to do with our schedules being out of sync often lately. Or it may be that my dreamlife - that shadow self that sees through the mind's eye - has no use for anything or anyone else any more. Why dream of anything but the woman I spend my waking days thinking of? What subject more crucial, more intricate, more wonderful?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Name Game

My tasty splendid k and I were talking about names last night. I first knew her by her chatroom nickname, and the day she told me her real name was really one of those early moments of honesty and trust that I think about all the time. Here on the blog, we use variations on our chatroom names, but really she's never anything but her real name in my mind.

Well, unless we're talking about other kinds of names. Pet names, "role" names, etc. I never in a million years thought I'd like being called Master, for example. I'd never insist on it, in fact resisted it for a while. But I've come to see it as a gift from sweet k. It's an aknowledgment of my place in her life, of what I do for her and what she does for me. I don't consider her to be my slave (though heh, once in a while I'll use that word anyway, mostly when I want to drive her deep into her subbie headspace), and really I don't want a slave. But our roles in each other's lives have expanded outward from the bedroom to encompass a lot more, and as that has happened, she's used the word Master more. It has meaning for both of us, and I'm not ashamed to say that it gives me a deep jolt of Domliness each time she uses it. A one-word testosterone-trigger.

And I've tried various names for her as well, though her real name is so mellifluous I tend to use that more than anything else. I have used "girl" a lot - feels kind of transgressive and it took me a while to get past the age thing. It's a lot more comfortable now. And then there's "pet," which I used for a while, and is now starting to come back. Again, there are some connotations attached to it which I have to work through. Both these names have the power-relationship going the right general direction, but they skew in arcs that aren't the ones I am fully comfortable with.

It's a shame that language is so powerful and yet so confining sometimes. Ideally there would be a word that would express the myriad and subtle interplays between us, that would capture the way we complete each other, that would encapsulate the rich slow-cooked love between us. But I guess that's a lot to expect out of a handful of phonemes.

So I settle for what seems right in the moment. I called her "My slut" last night, and it was just the correct name in that situation at that time. Expressed everything I wanted to say (I'll leave just what the situation was to your vivid and twisted imaginations, dear readers).

The act of naming, even cute little pet names, carries so much power. It's a way of ordering the universe, mapping it to better fit the contours of our minds. Language is in many ways our primary interaction with the world. And in the case of my ebullient k and I, it's the main mode of personal interaction as well - we can't "speak" from body to body yet, so choice of words has a greater impact. That's one reason I like having her write my name on her body, to try and blend the linguistic and the physical - the word become flesh, so to speak. One day my hand placed calmly, quietly, claimingly, on her thigh will express what before might have taken a long rapturous treatise. (Let's all say it with bad Maurice Chevalier accents: "zee international language of love")

Till then, I'll keep ruminating on names, and see which ones work and which don't. I know that I'll never get used to being called "Master," hearing k's sweet bright tones pronounce the name that means so much to both of us.

Friday, November 03, 2006

In person II

So it's been a while since i've posted anything here, and since i am going out of town this weekend and won't be able to talk to my Irch at all until Sunday i thought i would leave Him a little something here before i left.

Recently Irch posted a list of some of the things He would like to do when we are finally able to be together in person. I have my own list of things i would like to do with Him (some similar and others not quite), so i thought i would share my list with you all.

Some things i would like to do (by far not a complete list):

1. Sit in His lap
2. Kiss Him for hours and hours
3. Rest my head on His shoulder and know that is where i belong
4. Kneel while He's standing in front of me
5. Kneel while He sits and rest my head on His knee.
6. Take His thick cock into my mouth
7. Taste His warm rich cum as it fills my mouth and slides down my throat
8. Fall asleep beside Him
9. Wake up next to Him
10. Watch Him sleep
11. Slip beneath the covers to wake Him with a morning blowjob
12. Worship His cock for hours and hours
13. Listen to Him sing to me
14. Lay with my head in His lap with His hand in my hair
15. Hold hands
16. Hug Him and never let go
17. Look into His eyes
18. Kneel and recite my pledge while He watches in the morning
19. Offer each part of my body to Him in my routine at night
20. Lick my lips and watch His reaction
21. Stick my tongue out at Him
22. Tickle Him (no matter how much trouble i may get into)
23. Fall asleep with one arm over His chest, one leg over His, and my head on His chest
24. Lay in bed talking all day
25. Sleep in late together
26. Read to Him
27. Shower together
28. Cook for Him, while He stands behind me watching
29. Watch Him play the piano, or guitar
30. Listen to Him read to me
31. Take a long nap together in the middle of the day
32. Arch my back and bend over the bed, while i look back at Him
33. Ask Him to spank me
34. Take my time learning every part of His body intimately
35. Watch His cock grow hard in my hand
36. Feel His cock grow hard in my mouth
37. Listen to the sounds He makes when He cums deep in my mouth
38. Listen to the sounds He makes when He cums deep in my cunt
39. Tell silly jokes to one another
40. Tell someone that He is my Master when we are out together
41. Serve Him in anyway He wants
42. Cry out for joy that i am with my Owner
43. Gasp His name as i climax for Him while He holds my gaze
44. Fall asleep with His cock pressed against my ass and His arms around me
45. Wake up with His cock pressed against my ass and His arms around me
46. Take a picture together
47. Flash Him while we're in public
48. Listen to the sound of His voice with my ear pressed against His chest
49. Take His cock all the way into the back of my throat
50. Look into His eyes when i tell Him i love Him