Just curious

Do you know how wonderful it is to listen to your Master cum? To hear Him build up to that peak, to reach that edge and know that He's going to explode at any moment. And then to hear every gasp and moan as He falls over that edge, as He gives You all that hot cum you've been craving for weeks.

Do you know how earth shatteringly amazing it is to know that a Man lusts after you that much, that He has to cum in you right then? To feel time stop at that moment you feel everything in Him unwind and unravel as He fills you so completely, so totally that there is no way anything else in this world could ever fill you in the same way.

Do you know how utterly fantastic it is to hear His voice tremble and shake after He's filled you? To know that you've done your job, you've served and pleased your Man, and you can hear it in His voice afterwards. To feel full not only physically, but complete in everything that you are knowing that you've made pleased Him once more.

God i am so in love with Him.

On Time

Yesterday Irch decided that He would like to control the amount and time of each of my orgasms throughout the day. He had suggested the idea the previous week, and i thought it sounded interesting and something that could potentially be a lot of fun for us both.

So when i woke up yesterday morning, i had a few texts from Irch as i do most mornings and the first said that i was to cum an hour from the time i'd read the note. So i looked at the clock, that would be at 11:50 am. I automatically felt that familiar pull in the pit of my stomach and smiled to myself about what would be happening in an hour. He and i talked for a while too during that time, just being silly and joking with each other, talking about the assignment for the day.

It was strange how easily i slipped into this assignment, i felt myself watching the clock eagerly anticipating the one hour mark. My whole body was humming with anticipation and excitement, especially as the clock ticked down. It was almost strange how my body changed with the count down as well, to go from laughing and playing with Irch to suddenly being very wet and horny is something i don't experience all that often.

After this first time i came back and sent Irch a text letting Him know that i'd completed my first scheduled orgasm and really enjoyed it. He set me another time and i set out to start my day. I had to run around town and do a few things so i was a little worried about what i would do if i were out and the time came. Well as it turns out i was out when 4pm rolled around and so after a little inner debate i hid myself in a public restroom and had the quietest orgasm of my life. And for the record it is so hard to cum when there are people walking around you just feet away.

I sent Him another text to let Him know i'd finished my second orgasm of the day and went about my errand running. Later in the day He sent me another text to let me know the next scheduled time at 8pm. Lucky for me i got home at 7:50 so i had just enough time to hide myself in my room away from all my roommates and have yet another explosive orgasm. Sent off another text and then later received another time at 11pm. And then once more as many time as i'd like before i went to bed, and then once more before i got out of bed in the morning.

I think the most surprising thing about all of this was the connection i felt all day. Normally i feel Irch with me all the time, but usually He is a quiet whisper in my ear, a reassuring embrace when i need it, or a guiding hand. Yesterday though He was loud and right there with me throughout the entire day. He was holding me tight pushing and pulling in any direction He wanted me to go and i had no choice but to follow. I was constantly reminded of Him every time my eyes passed over my watch or i saw a clock or even had passing thoughts about the time. You'd be surprised how many clocks there are around these days.

I never expected i could feel so entirely connected to Him like that, it was completely unexpected and took me completely by surprise. I thought this would just be something fun for us to try, and be like the people in some of those stories you read about but it was so much more than that. To be able to just lose myself in Him over and over again is just wonderfully sublime. I love experiencing new and exciting things with Him day after day, and this was just one more thing that i loved being able to share with Him.

And at the end of the day it only made it better to hear how much it had also affected Irch too, just thinking about it makes my stomach pull with desire, my thighs clench with lust, and my heart sing with love. I never thought i could love someone this much, and yet here i am reaching new levels of love each day. I swear i could fly if He wanted me to.

Beautiful Banner

Yes, that's my alarmingly-brilliant and stunningly-artistic k who did that luscious banner you now see above.

Amazing and multi-talented, she is. Lucky Dom, I am.



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On a somber note: some fool hacked and wiped out Magdalena's wonderful Myths and Metawhores site. Hoping she gets back on her cyber-feet soon!

On the Clock

Today, I'm controlling the timing of my sublimely acquiescent k's orgasms, putting her on a schedule. It's the most I've ever felt like the kind of Dom you read about in stories, or read about on the more "hardcore" blogs. It's stirring up all sorts of wild emotions and thoughts in me, but I think I'll wait till the day is over to reflect on them at length.

I've asked sweet k to post here tomorrow about her reactions to the day, which ought to be fascinating and illuminating and entertaining as always. Then perhaps I'll post too. Stay tuned!

Space is the Place

I mentioned in a previous post that my magnificent k had sent me some pictures of her new house, and her room in it and all. I wanted to expand on my reaction to that a bit, as a means of unpacking some of the feelings it stirred up in me.

The first and most obvious thing is the D/s side of my reaction. I loved the openness and generosity in the gesture. She walked around snapping photos just for me, because she thought I'd like it and wanted to share it with me. There's really no way to overstate what a rush it is to know that not only would she feel perfectly comfortable showing me fairly intimate details of her daily life, but also that she'd actively set out to document it all as a project, purely self-motivated.

To that, I can add the extra power-surge that comes with "owning" the space she occupies in a small way. Besides seeing glimpses of things I've given her among her belongings, there's the knowledge that if I ever visited her there, I'd sort of know my way around already. A sense of familiarity. If I decided to stand under her window ("but soft!", etc.) one night, I'd know which window to stand under.

And then there's the angel in the details. Silly stuff, like the color of her sheets, the selection of books kept near the bedside, etc. They add texture to my imaginings. When I fantasize about being in that room (truly "owning" that space by being there and creating a memory there), there are rich details to draw on. When she's under the covers before turning out the light, calling me to say goodnight in her drowsy honeyed voice, I can see the pillow her head rests on. When she's at the computer typing sultry sexy words to me, I can see the chair her parted thighs sit on, the keyboard that her fingers flit to when not engaged beween those thighs.

It's really true that I'm not much of a visual person. All these things I've mentioned are wonderful and have opened up imaginative vistas I didn't dream of before, but they aren't the main thing that gets my imagination going. What does is a sense of the space surrounding my darling k.

I think it's some sort of remnant of back in the days when I used to study math seriously, and had to be able to picture manifolds in four-dimensional space and that sort of thing, but I'm very sensitive to surroundings that way. I'm indifferent about architecture when it comes to how buildings look, but I'm very focused on how they make you feel when you step inside. I also love art installations that are of the "environment" variety - something you step into and experience in a more physical way. Anyway, I always have a sense of my surroundings in terms of amounts of space in all three dimensions around my body, if that makes any sense.

The point is, in these pictures, there's enough to construct that sense of space, which gives me even more of a real feeling of inhabiting it as k does. That's what really shoots through my brainstem and activates all sorts of instinctual reactions, which bubble up as (naturally) lots of sexual fantasies. Though I may not remember the details of the surfaces of things, I know there's enough room to kick k's desk chair aside, sweep the keyboard out of the way, and bend her forward over that low desk, so that, propped on her hands, her luscious ass would be lifted to a delicious angle. I know that if I sat on the edge of her bed, she'd have to kneel and bridge her back to be able to take me in her mouth.

It's those details of physical space and spatial relationships, and especially how our bodies fit into them, that's been curling my toes lately. You are the most wonderful gal in the world to take those pictures for me, my sweet one.

Zero Things About Me

In the spirit of the “Things About Me” blog posts that have resurfaced lately (see recent posts by Magdalena and Orchidea, for example), here’s my contribution to the genre. But I picked a more interesting topic than me.

Zero Things About Me (50 things about my k)

marvellous k does the following:

1. cuts her sandwiches diagonally
2. has the most gorgeous eyes
3. would wear flip-flops all year round if she could
4. is a whiz a photoshop
5. watches the TV show Nip/Tuck religiously
6. plays the cello (which I think fits her personality perfectly)
7. can get bouncy and excited over literary theory
8. submits in the most beautiful fluid shimmering unquiet way
9. once dyed her hair a shockingly loud color
10. likes to eat her m&ms one color at a time
11. sometimes gets a little scared of thunderstorms
12. has a sticker of the Hello Kitty character “Choco-Cat” on her computer monitor
13. claims to be mostly vegetarian, but eats meat most days
14. has exquisite wrists, the insides of which beg to be kissed
15. has a bit of a thing for cowboys
16. has never seen a Johnny Depp movie she didn’t like (so if Mr. Depp were in a cowboy movie, she'd basically be spending all her days and nights at the movie theater)
17. goes weeks at a time without driving her car
18. is very serious about the difference between “discrete” and “discreet,” which is as it should be
19. has the soul of a poet and the reflexes of a ninja
20. pours little or no milk on her cereal
21. likes the room where she sleeps to be very cold
22. is the most generous open-hearted caring person I’ve ever met
23. has been the object of many a teenage crush
24. nearly always does things in the last days or hours before they are due
25. when in the right mood, will masturbate many many times a day
26. slips into a bit of a twangy drawl when sleepy
27. takes naps as often as possible
28. does sudoku puzzles
29. inspired me to start running regularly again
30. gets the hiccups most days
31. has an irrational attraction to Tennyson’s poetry
32. has an irrational attraction to online flash games like tetris and snake and such
33. has a warm melodic voice that makes the earth rotate more slowly on its axis
34. only recently got enough hangers to actually hold all her clothes
35. has a love of language that comes across most obviously when she writes smut
36. once considered being a mathematician
37. is into Japanese anime
38. was a cheerleader (which has certainly changed my mind about the general practice cheerleading and its participants)
39. sings along with raucously whiny emo music at the top of her lungs
40. plays a mean game of scrabble
41. always knows exactly the right words to text to my cell phone to make my stomach tighten with need
42. knows how to knit
43. has travelled abroad more times than I have
44. has travelled around the US much less than I have
45. only recently got a watch that cost more than $5
46. cooks macaroni and cheese for dinner all too frequently
47. grew up in a house with lots of pets, including an iguana
48. will stay up past midnight tonight and phone me before going to bed
49. is mine
50. is loved

Touch

Well my glorious k is finally back on her feet after an illness that really just knocked her out of commission for several days. She actually ended up taking a trip to the doctor for meds that finally brought her out of utter misery. So whew, very glad that whole episode is over and done with.

But there's something that happened during those few days that surprised me, in fact I'm still kind of floored by it.

It should come as no surprise that, being in a long-distance relationship as we are, a huge part of my mental energy is devoted to fantasies of touching her. I imagine the warm supple resilience of her flesh, its soft tenderness under my coarse hands, and of course the feminine sensuality of her lips against mine. And sometimes, when caught up in a scene with her, my senses get so full that it's as if I truly am in contact with her.

So yes, most (but not all) of my thoughts in that direction are sexual in some way. Or if they don't start out that way, they certainly have a tendency to end up there. But the other night, I was talking to poor wretchedly-sick k on the phone, and it was the strongest, most intense feeling of longing for physical contact that I've ever experienced.

It went far beyond any sexual or sensual cravings I've had in the past - I was literally aching to touch her, specifically to hold her in my arms and try to offer some comfort. It was just fundamentally wrong that I was so far away from her. Like fighting gravity. I was incomplete as a human being, like a piece of me had been carved out in the shape of her. My thought process went past the biological and emotional, into something like a moral sphere - being alongside her was right, and all the barriers in the way were wrong.

I've never come quite so close to buying a plane ticket and calling in sick to work.

The feeling has faded somewhat since that intense episode, but the ghost of it lingers in memory. I know now that, no matter how fulfilling and ecstatic and beautiful our long-distance love is, I will need to touch her one day to feel like I have lived. Inevitable.

Threads of Thought

Apologies in advance for what will likely be one of those rambling posts. Just quick takes on items that I'll do doubt explore in depth later...

• My inspiring k is sick. Pobrecita has a croaky sore throat and feels miserable. I really hate that I can't be with her and take care of her. Telling her that I'll reward her somehow for drinking more hot tea just ain't enough. I hate being Useless Dom. Sometimes long-distance relationships really are a bummer.
• Over where my luscious k lives, it regularly tops 100 degrees this time of year. Where I am it's rarely broken 70, and it's strangely intriguing to think about that differential. Usually when I imagine myself physically alongside her, it's me being in her hot climate, not her being in my cool foggy atmosphere. Sometimes long-distance relationships really are very ineresting.
• Taylor posted here and in a follow-up post about nomenclature like "Sir" and "Master" and stuff, musing aloud about why she reacts differently to different Doms in terms of levels of respect, etc. And she was kind enough to use me as an example. I know she was discussing her personal reactions, and not making sweeping statements or anything, but it always makes me grimace a bit when ideas of ranking and categorization and standards of judgement come up. Unavoidable amongst D/s circles, it seems.
• In the same vein, it often piques my interest how, here in the U.S., there seems to be a great correspondence between D/s and social conservatism. Yes, yes, I know there are many many exceptions, but from a completely unscientific sampling of folks I've known over the years, those who crave order and discipline and hierarchy in the bedroom want it in the halls of government as well.
• Recently, my beloved k sent me pictures of her new house! I didn't think such a thing could add so much to the way I think about her, but I'm surprised at how quickly my visual cortex latched on. Now in my mind, she's not just laying in bed with her hands plunged between her thighs, thinking of me ... she's laying on that bed with her hands plunged between her thighs, thinking of me. Still trying to figure out why I get a big Keanu-esque "woah" in my brain when I picture that.

So that's about it for now. Will spin out some of these threads during the week, I'm sure. Feel better, my precious k.

Asynchronous Mood

Well the schedules of my wonderful k and I haven't been lining up so well recently. Her internet connection's been spotty, she's been dealing with moving into her new place, getting settled, adjusting to a new schedule. And of course there have been all sorts of drains on my time as well - the past week hasn't been our best for being together.

So we do what we can. The internet connection thing is actually one of the worst problems, because one of the ways we feel together most when we're apart is by sending lots of emails, writing (including blogging), doing silly online projects, etc. When I see that I got something new in my inbox or that some webpage has been updated, I know she's been thinking of me and "actively" belonging to me. But that hasn't been too easy for her of late. I'm a patient man for the most part. Yes. At least, I think I will be, if I just keep saying that over and over. Very patient. That's me.

Last week on friday afternoon, we had an hour or two free together, and the internet connection was working (yay!), so we got to chat for a good while. My sublime k had people walking around near her computer, though, which meant I had to keep my usual sexual instincts under wraps to a certain extent. So we ended up playing a game of scrabble on yahoo, believe it or not. And really it was the highlight of my weekend, no lie - so much fun to flirt and tease and spell words and be elated and frustrated and just to be with my girl. Only sad things about playing the online version of the game are that it won't count the dirty words (in my estimation, they should count double), and you can't do any form of mutually-agreed-upon cheating. And of course you can't have sex on the scrabble board and pick those little wooden rectangles out of each other's skin after. But still, heck of a lot of fun to be had.

That subbie of mine plays a mean game of scrabble, and isn't one bit shy about showing her Dom the extent of her vocabulary and brilliant tactics.

I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my sweet k in all her triple-word-score glory.

Hard at Work 2

Following up a little after the previous post, I thought I'd muse a bit on the whole experience of being aroused and horny at the office.

I know most everyone has experienced it - our biology gets in the way of our polite daily interactions all the time. And it's no surprise that, in an era when people spend so much time at work, that office-related objects/tasks/situations/people become sexualized and fetishized. It's only natural: our imaginations have to draw from the world around us, and increasingly that world includes a fax machine and an ergonomic chair.

Something that makes it different these days, of course, is the easy access to the internet which many people have at work. So long as you're fairly certain your boss isn't monitoring your computer use (actually far from certain, but that's another issue), you can email, check out websites, and yes even blog to your heart's content. Or until that big project is due. Or until someone peeks over your shoulder. Plus there's the proliferation of cell-phones, meaning you're not on the company's dime (and phone log) when you make a call. And those cell phones are pretty great gadgets nowadays with text messaging and built-in cameras and all. So even if you don't have internet access on a work computer, you've got a great communication device in your pocket too.

I know, I hear you all saying: But Irch, I already knew this - where is your trademark ageless wisdom, witty insight, and tantalizing je ne sais quoi? Yep, I'm pretty sure that's what I hear you saying.

Power dynamics are always on display in a workplace. Even if you work for yourself, or in some utopian co-op commune, there are not-so-subtle power negotiations always going on. The biggest and most basic one being that you are making a bargain to trade your time, effort, and expertise to a person/corporation/entity for the ability to eat and have shelter. At work, we have restrictions on time and space and activity that we don't have in the rest of our lives. So it's no surprise that D/s thoughts come to mind frequently.

Or maybe I'm just a pervert.

Another thing that I really like about worktime teasing is that it feels very much like my k and I are a real-life couple in the usual sense. If we actually were living together, or dating face-to-face, we'd still have these moments apart when we were working, and I think they wouldn't be too different from the way they are currently. Lots of teasing and silliness, lots of lust-heavy comments and innuendo, the occasional command to do something, and even frantic heated text-message, IM, and phone sex when possible. So I treasure the times we get to exchange messages from work, because there's a kind of special contentment I get from it - the knowledge that if and when delicious k and I move into a real-life relationship, this aspect will likely remain the same. It's a feeling of continuity, or at least potential continuity, which appeals to me.

The upshot of all this rambling: I simply can never stop thinking about my amazing woman. Everything circles back to her, all thoughts gravitating to k, the constant among a million independent variables.