Day and Night

One thing I enjoy about the intensely beautiful and life-altering relationship between my ebullient k and I is its ubiquity and continual presence. It's one of the things that at first made me wonder if an online relationship would ever be fulfilling. And to tell you the truth, if our only interactions were in IM, it would still be lovely, but it likely wouldn't feel so sublime and deliciously pervasive.

Simply put, I think of my delicious k constantly, and thanks to the magic of text messages and voicemail and email and all those other technological things, we can exchange thoughts at any moment, so that we can be "together" all day long. I can share her little triumphs and tribulations as they happen, and just be connected all the time.

There's something about being connected like that through the day that really appeals to the Dom side of me - knowing that she is thinking about me and keeping me in her heart, knowing that I can use some well-chosen words to make her smile or gasp or grow wet any time I want to. Yes, definitely an ego thing, definitely a power thing, but so much more than that too... it's love that tells a story.

In a sense, all our relationship is built on story-telling - we don't experience things together the way an ordinary in-person couple does. We have shared experience, for sure, but of a different quality. And there's nearly always a narrative involved, a translation from action into word into memory. No possibility of silently sitting together and holding hands, sharing the warmth of each other's presence - unless we talk about it and imagine it together.

So since so much of our interaction is based on things that happen in a shared imaginative space at one remove from our bodies, it's a glorious thing to share the moment-to-moment reactions and minutiae of our "real world" days together in parallel. And as part of that experience, to keep my presence fully integrated into her daily routine, there are a few things I ask my brilliant and generous k to do regularly.

She kneels when she wakes up in the morning, and sends me a text or email shortly thereafter. She masturbates to orgasm each night before falling asleep, and usually calls me from bed afterwards, so that the last word on her lips is my name. I encourage her to cum in the shower in the morning as well, though that's less of a rule and more of a fun way to start the day. Oh and I get pictures of her every week now, which is one of my favorite new developments. She has other weekly and intermittent assignments from me as well, but these are some of the ones that have lasted the longest and are fairly strict.

I love my sweet gorgeous k, and being at the forefront of her mind so often during her day is one of the things I am most proud of in my life, and that gives me intense pleasure. She thrills me down to my bones each and every moment.

Happy Halloween everyone! boo!

The Joy of Text

Well it was bound to happen eventually. The stars aligned in a certain fashion and suddenly my delicious k and I found ourselves having text-message sex. Didn't think such a thing was possible, really. But I should have known that two imaginative people could make such an outrageous thing work.

Now we've played around at such things in the past, mostly teasing and using text messages as a warm-up to some play on the phone or in IM or something. My sexy k was sitting at home, but I was caught in a situation where I wasn't able to talk on the phone or get to a computer, but I could sit and send text messages to my heart's content.

So I did. And it actually was really hot.

Luckily we've gotten used to the rhythm of texting, the short length of each message, the wait of half a minute or so between messages, the sneaky shortcuts to keep thumbs from falling off. I think it helped that k was on her computer and I was texting from the phone - only one of us had to deal with the less-than-ideal way of writing words that is the numeric keypad.

Because of our long and colorful shared history of cyber-sex, I know how to turn my woman on with words. Never ceases to amaze me how real and how visceral one's reactions can be to the written word - doesn't seem like it should be so easy to cause physical responses in someone by typing alphanumeric characters, does it?

But even with all the barriers in the way, it really worked. I brought my succulent k to her knees and to a shuddering orgasm (in that order). Yes, in this I was certainly aided by her vivid imagination and her nimble fingers, but there is no doubt in my mind that it was me who made it happen.

Just goes to show you that any technology will ultimately be perverted into a means to sexual pleasure. If not by us, then by someone else ;)

Unique

I've been pondering lately what it means to be dominant, to be "a Dom," and I've come to the realization that really I don't have much of an idea. I mean, I have vague outlines from reading I've done and talking to others, but really it's just a big mess of allusions and metaphors and half-assed concepts.

When I started to really feel the dominance in me awakening and roaring to the fore about 6-8 months ago, I thought that maybe the idea of what a Dom is would become clearer to me, but if anything it's gotten murkier. It's possible that more experience might change the nature of my understanding, but at this point I rather doubt it. It's an epistemological thing for me now - I'm starting to doubt if it's a kind of knowledge that can be grasped and codified at all. The more I try to pin it down, the slipperier it becomes.

This is not to say that I don't understand dominance at all. I do perfectly understand and continue to explore and expand and refine and redefine a dominance. My dominance. This is something that's wondrous and wild and protean, but I have a decent handle on it. My dominating k, k's submission to me: I get those. Mysterious, but knowable.

I guess if you add up all the myriad relationships in the world that identify as D/s in some way or another, and ran a series of questionnaires and did a good statistical regression analysis and had some top social scientists review the data, you might have yourself the beginnings of a core definition of dominance. But then again, you might just have a big ol mess.

In the end, the only thing I really care about is our D/s, of course, the relationship that my transcendent k and I have molded and enjoyed and nurtured. And really there's so much more to it all than just dominance and submission, but the D/s is fundamentally woven into every interaction now. I suppose that's the main problem in trying to abstract what "a Dom" is - how can dominance be disentagled from every other aspect of personality and emotion and thought?

It feels to me that dominance might be a kind of nature, not a just a kind of practice, though I am holding back judgment on that - finding the dividing line between what you are and what you do is one for greater philosophers than me. Meantime, I'll keep enjoying this grand and ennobling opening-up of deep resonances in me. More than that, I'll keep enjoying the sweet love and submission of the woman I adore beyond words.

Refined Taste

I've never seen my delectable k in person, but I've seen pictures and seen her on the jerky pixellated webcam, each time making my heart pulse wildly. I've never heard her voice in person, but I've spoken to her over the phone untold time, and thrilled to her sultry dulcet enunciations. I love that the internet can help us bridge those gaps. But scent, touch, and taste don't email well, so a lot of my fantasizing about being with her (see the last post) involved those senses.

Today I want to talk about the sense of taste and the process of cooking and the whole way food and sex and conflated in my mind. When I say that I am hungry for k, it's a metaphor, sure. But it's also empirically true - I crave the taste of her. Not the same way I might crave coffee ice cream or cold raspberries or fresh basil, more the way I might feel my mouth watering when I read a recipe and imagine the blend of flavors there (but quite a lot stronger). I yearn for the time when I can lick, kiss, nibble at her flesh, and just learn the many tastes of her body.

There's something so deeply gratifying about that - some essence of each other than only lovers know. A wickedly intimate power comes from knowing how someone tastes. And of course the more private and hidden from daily view the morsel is, the more precious is the knowledge.

When we taste, we take. Molecules exciting receptors, causing enzymic reactions, information rushing along nerves to the brain. We own an "image" of that flavor in memory. I want that of my scrumptious k, to have the patterns of her tastes to carry in my mind and call up when I wish.

I'm posted her before about cooking for this incredible woman I own. I've done that a few times now, and it's hard to capture in words the melange (sorry, couldn't resist the metaphor) of emotions it brings up in me every time I do it. There's something ancient and ritualistic and deep about the process of cooking that I can tap into more profoundly when I do it for her. I work, somewhat creatively and somewhat by rote, to create something. That effort and patience and love are poured into a product that she then tastes and takes into her body. There's something very satisfying about that.

So this all was a funny roundabout way of getting to the fact that my scrumptious k and I have started trading recipes a lot lately. And sending text messages back and forth while we are cooking to share inspiration or solve problems. Somehow being part of the whole kitchen experience like that is very erotic. I've always wanted to cook a whole meal for her, and watch her eat it, and I've fantasized about the two of us working on preparing food together. But the other day, for the first time, I recognized a deep desire to have her cook for me.

I want to watch her scoot around the kitchen, putting things together, testing, making little mistakes, trying to be patient, adding her own special personality to the food and its preparation. I want to peek over her shoulder and enjoy the rhythm of the cooking process, and I want to know that she is doing it for me. I want to savor the creation and think about its relation to the creator. I want to look into her eyes and smile my appreciation. I want to devour the food with vigor and then smoothly segue into devouring her with one thousand times the lust, so that the cook herself becomes part of the meal she made.

mmmm dessert.

in person

I've been thinking a lot lately about meeting my sumptuous k in person for the first time. That's not coming up right around the corner or anything, but it occupies my thoughts a whole lot, as you can imagine. So I've decided to start a little list, about some of the things I've been thinking of doing when the two of us actually occupy the same room.

Some things I want to do (a very incomplete list in no particular order):

1. stare into her eyes and breathe in her presence
2. tangle my fingers in her hair
3. sit with her head in my lap
4. kiss her mouth for about two hours without pause
5. hear her whisper my name
6. know the size of her hand in mine
7. kiss her inner wrist and nibble at the flesh there
8. play a hot game of scrabble
9. take a very long walk, preferably in cool and damp weather, fingers interlaced
10. cook a meal for her, and watch her eat it
11. get our picture taken together
12. see her tongue peek out the side of her mouth when she concentrates
13. make out in a car or in a movie theater like a couple of horny teenagers
14. spank her
15. sing a song together
16. savor the juices of her cunt
17. sleep naked with her
18. go out dancing
19. go out dancing knowing that she holds my cum in her body
20. press my hand to the curve of her hip
21. read a book to her or listen to her read to me
22. inhale her scent deeply
23. go out for a run and shower together afterwards
24. shop for groceries together
25. feel the weight of her breasts in my palms
26. sit with my arm around her
27. undress her
28. warm up her icy cold feet on my stomach
29. bake a pie together
30. give her ass a squeeze in public
31. feel her nipples tighten and pucker under my touch
32. stand before her as she kneels
33. watch her get dressed and brush her hair
34. hear the gasps and keens she makes as she approaches orgasm, right in my ear
35. hum low and deep with my lips pressed to her cunt
36. watch her draw or paint
37. refer to her as "Mine" in front of other people
38. take her earlobe between my teeth
39. massage her shoulders and back
40. place my hand on her thigh
41. feel her eyelashes flutter against my skin
42. watch her sleep
43. mark her with a bright red hickey on her neck
44. drink hot chocolate together
45. whisper all manner of salacious things in her ear to make her thighs clench
46. work on a crossword puzzle together
47. do something cliche-manly, like open a jar or kill a spider
48. listen to her heart beat in her chest
49. hold her in my lap as I let my hands roam over every surface of her body
50. look into her eyes when I tell her I love her