Something Surprising

I know Irch has said this over and over again, but the most surprising thing to me about our growing relationship is how real it is. I never went out looking to form a lasting relationship with anyone when i first started coming online. So it was originally surprising when i was able to remain friends with Irch for so long, especially after i was collared by another dom. That had never happened before.

Chatrooms were just a nice outlet for the sexual frustration i was feeling in my real life. It was nice to have someone to talk to about all the things i keep hidden in my real life. (Taking a step back from this: We should all know that in the flesh i am extremely shy, i almost never swear, and you would never suspect me of being the little sexual deviant i am online - though i'm sure that's the way it is with most people) It was just nice to find people who i didn't have to be worried about what they though of this side of me.

So chatrooms were really more about being able to find that little niche for that part of my personality and nothing more than that. So you can imagine how surprising it was to find Irch and become fast friends. I found myself sharing about my personal life and the life i had completely separate from chatrooms and the protocol of online (Side track again: That was another nice thing about chatrooms, the protocol ... it gives you something to hide behind and it's always fun for a laugh).

And most surprising of all, he didn't run away when things got personal. He didn't shy away from me when i would share intimate details from my past and childhood. In fact he was even supportive and could sympathize with me. It was so nice to have that too. Sure i have friends in my real life who i can share with about personal details from my life but there is always a little part of me that feels like i have to watch what i say and just be careful with letting people to close. I've never really felt that with Irch - i've always had a calm about him and never really felt the need to be someone completely different from who i really am.

So in the past few months the most surprising thing to me is how real our relationship has become. I know He's said this over and over again, but really it never fails to amaze me how much i feel for Him. Because in the end He is a man on the other side of a computer screen, who i will probably never meet face to face. However, He is so much more than that to me.

It's so hard to explain all the emotions i feel towards this man. I love him ... which is crazy in and of itself. He makes me laugh, and smile, and ache for him, he's hurt me, he surprises me constantly, he comforts me. All in all he's just really a wonderful man, who i am so happy to call mine.

It's just so surprising to me, that i am able to feel all these things for a man i've never really met. But that fact doesn't make any of my emotions any less real. Even when we're not actively talking online, or exchanging text messages, or voice mails i still think of him constantly. He is almost always on my mind and if that's not real i don't really know what is.

And that's just surprisingly wonderful to me.