a look into the past

Hi folks, k again. Well Irch is feeling better, so yay for that.

He also seemed to enjoy my hijacking the blog yesterday so i thought it'd be a good time to do it again. And just elaborate a bit more on some of my entry.

As i mentioned previously, i was collared once before. To a friend, we'll call him Richard. I met Richard a few months before i'd met Irch and we formed a fast friendship. We both lived in the same state, he was nice and soft spoke and just very similar to me. He was sweet, kind, and easy to talk to. In general he was just so much different than everyone else in the room. He really was such a dork, but in a sweet way. I can't say now what first really started drawing me to him, perhaps that he was nothing if not persistent.

When he asked me if i would wear his collar, it was very out of the blue for me. I knew we had been forming a budding friendship and i loved spending time with him, but i hadn't really ever thought about our relationship going past that up until that point. Though thinking about it then, it didn't seem like a bad idea. i loved being with him, he was so very nice.

Really, if you don't know this yet, i am a big dork. I really just have a fascination with the whole collaring ideal. It's true i wanted a cliche and really i think i just overlooked alot of the facts on order to get that when i accepted the collar.

Soon after accepting Richard's collar things started changing between us. He became much more ... i don't know what the right word really is, but he was just alot different. Slowly the very sweet and soft spoke man i'd grown to love became demanding, rude, and just a bit mean. It was slow and not quite so obvious but looking back on that i can really see it.

And then it was over, he stopped talking to me, he didn't respond to my emails, and when i came into chat and he was there he would leave or pretend like nothing was wrong. It was very surreal and then there i was alone once more and very hurt and confused.

That is the thing about being involved with someone online, it's so easy for them to just simply disappear and never talk to you again. Like everything you had just never even existed. And that's a harsh reality that you have to accept when you do decide to get involved online. I remember one of the first things that Irch ever said to me was either one of us could be someone completely different than what we said, people do it all the time, for all i knew i could have been talking to an 80 year old fat man and so could he. But that's just one of those things you have to know.

Irch was there for me throughout my relationship with Richard, he was such a good friend to me, even celebrating with me when i told him about the collar. And he remained a goof friend during the course of the relationship. And when Richard disappeared from my life Irch was there still, he was there to help me through if i needed it, he was a shoulder for me to cry on and an ear for me to vent to. There is nothing that i appreciate more than that.

Irch really is just a wonderful man and i am so happy to belong to him, he is everything i was chasing back then and everything i want now. i love that he wants me and is constantly reminding me of that. He is so wonderful and really i am the luckiest gal around.