Lately, my delicous k and I have been working on the visual side of our relationship. I've talked here quite a few times about how it's never been a big thing for me that I don't get to see what she looks like, and really that's still true. She's pretty fiercely self-conscious, as many people are, and I've never felt the need to insist or anything.
But I lied a little bit when I posted that in the past. Because actually I found a picture of her on the internet many months ago, and just didn't tell her about it, since I figured it would embarass her. In part of our whole March Madness deal, I came clean and told her I had it. And of course she is a stunningly beautiful woman. I could stare at her for days, and I've spent embarassingly long periods of time doing just that with the picture.
But in a way her beauty is beside the point.
Recently, with gradual and gentle pressure, I've opened k up to sending me some more pictures. These have all been of relatively innocuous body-parts ... a wrist here, a bare foot there ... and each time I get one of these I experience that familiar-but-always-shocking rush of power in the pit of my stomach. The knowledge that she's overcoming her own fears and inhibitions purely because I've asked her to - that gets my skin tingling with desire for her.
It seems to be a more deep-seated and complex fear, this one of showing herself, than any of any others I've experienced with k. I bought her a webcam as a gift a while back and asked her to send me back a list of things that scared her about it. And yeah it was quite a list lol. So we've been working through those one by one, issue by issue, with little exercises and such. Sometimes I think I may be going too slowly, actually, but I'd rather go too slow than too fast. I think the big breakthrough we had about a month ago has made the whole process easier. There's a level of trust between us that's unprecedented, but I'm still going against a couple decades of mental conditioning. So I bide my time and keep letting her know how please I am with her progress, and really every time she completes an assignment or sends along a picture or anything, I break out in the hugest grin.
I'm looking forward to a day in the future when my lovely k won't think twice before just turning on her webcam and letting me see her gorgeous face as we chat online. Not just for the aesthetic pleasures of seeing her smile and blush and scowl and lick her lips and scratch her ear, but also for the empowerment of knowing that my subbie has this high level of ease and openness with me, and for her realization of her own beauty.
Till then, I fetishize and drool over the glimpses that I get, and know that those wiggling toes and that arching neck and that delicate wrist belong to me.
3 comments:
thanks butterfly. the whole process has been interesting and challenging and frustrating and fun and exciting and incredibly arousing, all mixed together. you're absolutely right that it's all about slow steps!
I agree with pet...I think it's wonderful how you are taking it slow and building on that trust you already have. Many that claim to be a Master refuse to take the time and expect a lot instead of earning the real love, trust, and submission of the other. I'm also proud of k for sticking to her guns so to speak and not just doing something she isn't comfortable with to make you happy. By that I mean..simply showing all because it is requested. I guess that is something both of you have worked out..but again nice to hear. As always thank you both for sharing.
well anonymous, k's and my relationship has never been about fitting into prefabricated definitions of what D/s is. Just about the two of us, and the way we interrelate.
Thanks for your comments :)
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