Next Level

Well this has been some wild and wonderful time, the past ten days or so. I really ought to be used to how this works by now: just as soon as I think my k and I have found our comfortable wonderful niche and will just be blissfully happy and warm together, suddenly the rules change, the categories explode, new dimensions open up, and we find ourselves in a new and even more thrilling space.

Since that spanking we had (blogged about a few entries back), suddenly there are no secrets between us any more, nothing held back, no protected hidden places, no fears. Not that there was really a lot of that to start with, but there were certain things that each of us would avoid discussing. It feels like that's all completely gone now, and something that's been burgeoning beneath the surface has suddenly found its way into the open.

Someday I'll do a long post here about My feelings regarding D/s lifestyle choices. I have trouble with the concept as a feminist and as a person who generally believes power-exchange = great fun in the bedroom, unworkable in daily life. Briefly, I still have issues with it, but I'm a whole lot more open to the idea than I used to be. (and for the record, I'm talking about myself here, not making moral proclamations about anyone else's relationships)

Anway, the reason I bring all that up is that I'm starting to reach into my glorious k's life more than I ever have in the past. She was showing some frustration and stress about the huge amount of work she has to do over the next couple weeks, and stressing out about an upcoming move and a bunch of other stuff, so I went ahead and just made her a schedule and urged her to stick to it. Which, to the great Dom pleasure, she has. I don't think I'll ever get used to the thrill I get knowing that she's following instructions I've laid out, and that she welcomes the guidance and structure. What's funny is that it's two things at once: I feel good that I'm helping out a friend and someone whom I love, and at the same time it's immensely fulfilling - and, yes, sexually arousing - to have the position of Dom in her "regular" life.

I'm aware that all I did in creating the schedule was to lay out all her work and point to it, saying: "see? that's not so bad!" But the way she responded went way past that. And it's starting to pour into other areas as well. In the past, I've been very loose and unrigorous when it came to offline assignments - if k did them a couple days late, no big deal. But lately she's been very keen on doing things on time or even (gasp) early. And she's been so responsive and eager when I've given her on-the-fly commands to do r/l things for Me as well.

k mentioned in one of her recent posts that we had a phone session in which I actually gave her commands of things to do for Me. This was completely new territory for us - our sexual interaction has always been in the world of the "scene," that we created together with words. But this time I told her precisely what actions I wanted her to perform there in her room while she spoke to me on the phone, and woah what a rush that was too.

So all the above is meant to paint some details of a bigger picture: what's been happening between us has been a strengthening of the D/s dynamic. I feel Myself polarizing far to the Dom side of the spectrum in most of our interactions (though I'll always be her lover and friend at the core of things), be they sexual or not. It's a case of the bedroom expanding out to encompass more of the rest of our lives, like we've sexualized quotidian life to an astonishing degree. I feel in that Dom head-space far more often now, whether we are engaged in sexplay or not. In fact, even if I'm not in contact with her at all, I feel that bond and the yearning tug of her submission all the time.

And while all this D/s-ification has been going on, we've jumped into some crazy stratosphere of love as well. I've come to the point where I can't imagine my life without her at all. In the past, I've avoided using words like "forever" and "always," but I know in a very true and real way that this is a deep, uncompromising, endlessly-expanding thing.

I own my k in a manner and a degree I haven't before, and I share a love with her that just soars high to the stars with no sense of vertigo.

Now this has become a long and rambling post, but there's a last bit I have to get to...

Back on Valentine's Day, I made my k some silly little necklaces and bracelets from stuff I got at a local bead store (yes, I am Arts-n-Crafts Dom). Just fun stuff with pet names for her and cute cheapie "jewels" strung on string, things like that. Well I didn't make a big deal out of them, and really at that time, though I was head-over-heels in love with her, the necklace I made with the word "MINE" on it was really a playful fun thing, and I told her as much.

Then our march madness happened and everything sort of got shelved for a while. Then when this whole intensification of D/s started to happen, I went and made it an assignment for k to wear one of them for me one day. Well yesterday she did just that, and I really didn't expect the reaction it would cause in me. I instantly went from Dom to uber-Dom and she went into some subbie space that was a new place for her as well.

She was wearing this dumb little thing I'd fashioned for her, around her beautiful neck, carrying a physical sign of me (and a symbol of my dominance in particular) with her through the afternoon and night, waking up with it still against her skin this morning. Really there aren't words for how Dommed-out I got - I could write epic poetry and set it to the music of a hundred symphonies, sung by all the choirs on earth, and it wouldn't come close to representing the ecstasy and transcendence of that feeling.

k is more mine than ever. I love her more than ever. These are constants in my life, feelings and realities that just don't ever go away. I'm almost scared to find out if there are more levels we'll reach after this one, because I'm already bursting with pure joy.