the magic touch

mmmmm yes I'm feeling awfully good today... my k ended up being able to get online yesterday, and looks like we'll be able to be together this week after all! *attempts not to bouce off the walls because it is so undignified and unDomly*

So we were able to chat for an hour or so in the afternoon yesterday, and another hour or so in the evening. Just like k indicated in her post, I'm positively aching to be with her again alrady. And there was something that occurred to me as I was thinking about it later...

The first brief-ish chat we had yesterday was full of catching up and questions and fun and teasing and giddy excitement (giddy on k's part of course, as mentioned above, I'm far too stately and grave a Dom to act giddy). And our second brief-ish chat was full of, well, more of the same, plus a healthy dollop of what we called in junior high the "mushy stuff."

But when we were starting to say our goodbyes, I realized that something was missing. We've been communicating with voicemail and text messages and all so much that we hadn't had any physical contact in ages.

OK, yes, it's true that, being an online couple, we've never had physical contact in the usual sense, nor will we ever in all likelihood. But we do have scenes, which I've stated here numerous times feel so real as to be indistinguishable from actual touch in the heat of the moment and in memory later. And that's one thing I've been craving without putting a name to it, I guess. So, there not being time for the drawn-out scenes we're famous for, I opted for a kiss.

I swear I felt the kiss actually raise my body temperature and make sweat stand out on my forehead, in addition to the other physical reactions that I'm sure you can all imagine. In fact, it's still keeping me warm now, almost half a day later. How I need this woman. My will to possess and treasure and dominate k has reached a (literal) fever pitch today.

It's fun to be the cool aloof Dom, bemused by the antics of his girl, always in control. But things are going to be wild when I see her later today. I don't think I can be held responsible for the instinctual, animal lusts that must be slaked.

*Stalks k with the sprung quietness of a predator, pent-up energy threatening to erupt at any moment*

Aching

Hey folks, it's me again! The world traveler k (or at least the US).

I'm home again finally, and things may start getting back to normal for Irch and i. I had planned to be away for a few more days this week but i had some things i wanted to take care of at home before i get into things next week.

I got to talk to Irch twice today and guh that man knows how to push my buttons too well. I'm in such a state right now and bring apart for so long does not help anything at all. I need him so badly right now it's not even funny. I'm physically aching for him i want to feel that ownership and possession from him that i've craved so much over our time apart. Tonight only whetted my appetite for him and goodness i need to have more of that.

I am just so glad to be home and be able to spend time with my wonderful Irch and i can't wait until he gets to take me again cause i need it so badly.

guden tag

Well it seems I've been "tagged" for the first time, by the very nice Desireous and her sexy blog. I have to answer some questions and then pass them on to some other folks to answer as well. Ah the wacky world of blogs. A welcome distraction in my current state of solitude, to tell you the truth...

I'm answering all these questions based on my real-life experience of course. (In cyber, life is much more exotic....)

1. Have you had three-way or group sex? Nope, one at a time's already more than I can handle sometimes, ty very much

2. Have you had sex during menstruation? Believe it or not, I have actually never menstruated... But I suppose I should answer this from my own male point of view. Yes, I have indeed had sex while a football game was on.

3. Have you had a sexual experience with someone of the same gender? Nope.

4. Have you had sex in your parent's home? More times than I can count.

5. Have you had hot interracial sex? Fraid not.

6. Have you masturbated in front of another person? Yes. And if you include using the webcam, yeah I'd say I've gone more than my fair share of that in the past.

7. Have you had sex in a public place? A couple times in semi-public. Not really in view or anything, but with the possibility of being surprised by a passer-by.

8. Have you been filmed or photographed having sex? Nope.

9. Have you had anal sex? never.

10. Have you masturbated today? Not as of this writing... ;)

11. Have you had sex in a car? Not ever gotten all the way to actual sex, but of course plenty of groping and fondling and licking and such delicious things.

So now I'm supposed to tag three other people. Hm, I'm rather new to this whole tagging thing, and don't have a whole lotta bloggy-type people I know, but I'll tag a few folks who've stopped by the ol' blog lately:

taylor

Urbanstud
UPDATE!
Dave aka B has declined, so I'm forwarding his slot to:
ling


go to town, folks!

more technical difficulties

So the other side of this whole phone-only thing is that I'd given k a long calendar of assignments to do for me (one of my favorite things to do when we have to spend time apart). But nearly all of the assignments were computer-related, so I'm having to re-think all that.

I've been tempted to reformulate the assignments or add in some different ones that could be done away from the internet, but as I mentioned in the previous post, I'm getting the sense that things are a little fragile right now. So best course of action seemed to be to just cancel all the assignments for now. Once she's back online and we're talking regularly and all, I can always re-schedule them. She'll have a whole lot of work cut out for her though lol, getting caught up with everything in a shorter timeframe... but as I mentioned, my k is up to it. Strong girl.

technical difficulties

It seems k's computer, or rather her internet connection, has been acting up the last couple days, and now she's off to stay with friends where she'll likely have no computer access for another few days, so the lovely long IM conversation we had the other day was our last one for a while. So we are going to be in phone-only mode.

It's been really special and great to get a voicemail message from my girl every day so far. The ring and glide of her voice still arouses me like nobody's business, and I've been having a lot of fun listening to those and sending my own replies. It's a little awkward at the moment, since we're both back from a long stretch spent with other people and apart from each other, and I can sort of tell that k is having trouble "jumping back in" to things with me, so we're proceeding a bit slowly. I don't mean to say that I have any doubt that she's mine, committed, dedicated, and loving as always. Of all those things I'm completely confident. It's just a little adjustment period that's going on longer than it should due to technical difficulties.

Meantime, I'm still sending in the neighborhood of 600 emails a day to her, it seems, so when she does finally get back to her working computer, she'll have a minor flood to contend with. But I think she can handle it. She's nothing if not a strong one, my k.

January thaw

Ah feeling soooo very good today. I went back to read my last post, which was even more scattered and screwed up than usual, and already I can't believe I was that person two days ago. All distraught and anguished and angst-y. Call me manic depressive, I guess, but today I'm just soaringly happy.

Because my k is back.

We chatted for a nice long time yesterday, and there was a delightful voice-mail from her waiting on my cell phone this morning. It really does feel like a big old iceberg thawing and melting into something warm and soothing. I didn't realize till we talked just how far gone into misery I was. "Never saw the morning till I stayed up all night," and all that, I guess.

Wow, when I start quoting song lyrics like a crushy high school sophomore, you know I'm running on endorphins and hormones here. Life's colorful and brilliant and clear again. Nice.

From time to time I try to distance myself mentally, and try to believe that this relationship is only what it looks like on its face: an extended flirtation, an exchange of words, two people masturbating a couple thousand miles apart, a mental construction, a high-tech pen-pal match, a flight of fancy. But my whole being rebels at those kinds of representations. The bond between me and k is simply not any of those things. Never has been. Won't ever be. Wild as it sounds, she's got a big old chunk of my soul, I lay claim to a chunk of hers, and no amount of "reality-check-hello-this-is-just-online" can convince me otherwise.

It's just real. The time apart, the extended lack of intimacy, made me look at things from different angles, but I kept coming back to the same conclusion: it's just real.

I cherish my k. I own my k. I love my k. Welcome back darlin.

you're out of my arms and I'm out of my mind

Been a while since I posted here. Happy New Year to anyone reading, and my best wishes for a wonderful 2006.

Due to circumstances beyond our control, my k and I have been out of contact for twelve, yes TWELVE, entire days now, and it'll be two more before we get to talk again. Now this was foreseen, and meditated upon, and dreaded. This has been taking place during the holidays, when there are plenty of distractions. This has really not been all that long compared to other times apart.

This has been absolutely unconditionally unbearable.

*puts on Ranting Dom suit*

Those of you who read this blog know how k's and my lives have interwoven to a degree neither of us really thought possible in an online relationship, and we've expanded our communications from IM and chat into text messaging and voice mail and the occasional phone conversation. This has meant that hardly a day goes by that we don't have some form of contact, even if it's just a quick email or text message. But there's been nothing for 12 days, and this kind of dry spell is just agony.

This is partly self-imposed. I said "Hey we're both gonna be busy. I want you to just have a good time and be able to take a break, even from me. It's not for all that long." Well my resolve crumbled awful quick, as I guess I knew it would. I started emailing a few days ago, knowing that she wouldn't be able to read my messages yet. The emails are just building up in her inbox and she'll likely have to spend the better part of an evening just reading through them, but I need the contact, even if it is one-sided. Need to know that I can touch her with my words. Need to imagine her reading my mails later and laughing or getting that dreamy happy-subbie look in her eyes.

Adding to the general ache is the fact that even once we're able to have some contact again, it will most likely be just emails and text messages, no actual IMing or phoning or any of that for another week or so. But right now I swear I'll take anything.

Terrifically un-Domly of me to pine away for my girl like this, I'm sure, but can't be helped. Hooked on her and I ain't apologizing for it.

The one sort of nice thing is that, despite the time apart, I've been able to feel the connection between us still. It's a fixed part of me now, the chain that tethers k to me, and even when she's not around, I can stop for a moment and just feel that deep connection. I can imagine her presence too, of course, and vividly. But for some reason it's more deeply soothing and intensely energizing to think of "us" and this imaginary connecting chain. Thinking only of her (which, it should go without saying, I still do constantly) makes me feel like half my heart's been cut out. Thinking of "us" gives me some kind of solace and contentment, because I know we are bound together, even when one of us is absent. I'm in her mind and she's in mine.

Hurry back home to your Dom, my lovely k.