New Geography

One of the nicer side-effects of unique k's recent visit has been that the world around me has been transformed to a greater degree than before. Since we were online-only for so long, I never was able to have the kind of "place memory" that I do now.

Sure, there are a few places that would spark reflective moments: the spot outside my workplace where I'd often call her on my breaks, the laundry room I was in when she texted me that she had just orgasmed for me at 8pm like I'd instructed, that sort of thing.

But now I've had my delectable k in the place where I live, actually physically present eating at my table, sitting on my couch, sleeping (and not sleeping) in my bed. And beyond that, she's walked through the streets I walk through every day, visited various neighborhoods of the city where I grew up (and heard tedious stories of my childhood ad nauseam), went to restaurants I've been to before and will go to again. My workplace was closed for the holiday period, or we'd have stopped in there too, I'm sure. I pointed it out as we went by, anyway.

There's a whole erotic map superimposed upon the geography around me now. Something personal, full of love and passion for one particular woman. She's a part of my daily living space in a way she hasn't been in the past, and we have started creating our own shared history in locations I've had associations with my whole life.

Last night we were chatting in IM, and flirtatious k pointed out to me that I was sitting on the couch where we had been making out just a few days ago (actually even more than just making out, but I'll leave that to your dirty imaginations for now). I was struck by a deep satisfaction that we have these real sensual memories, undeniable and fixed in space and time. Simultaneously, I had pangs of longing that were sharper and deeper than I've ever felt.

There was a fluidity to things when we had never met in person - the flow from being "together" online and just "keeping in touch" with texts and emails was a relatively easy one (in retrospect, anyway). It was fulfilling and beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it's just not the same as being together in the flesh. Now that we have begun imprinting our love and devotion onto the map and timeline of the world, it's more of a struggle to make that shift to the long-distance mode of being.

I ache for k's touch and scent and sheer unimagined physical presence often, but it's the ache of postponed fulfillment, one that all lovers know at one time or another. I am adjusting, so is she, and now we have a surrounding world dotted with markers of our love and lust. It's a sublime experience, and I can't wait to expand that map further, fill it in with a million details over time.