Merry Meanderings

Well I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season here at the end of the calendar year. It's been a particularly special December for luminous k and I. We had our first meeting just a couple of weeks ago, of course, and there's a little surprise at the end of this post related to that as well...

It's been a weird hybrid feeling these past weeks since my trip to see my glorious k in person. Simultaneously, I have been: (1) just glowing with love and Domliness, out of my head with lust, empowered and enthusiastic, bursting with pure joy, and (2) so despondent and let down that our time was limited and we are back to a long-distance relationship. It's a weird feeling to have those two forces comingling in my heart at all times. But I'm getting used to it in small ways.

The last couple of days have been particularly hard, because we haven't had the amount of time to spend together that either of us wants, with all the Christmas things going on. Overqualified k is working at a retail store, which has meant long crazy hours just before Christmas, and I've got all kinds of family things going on (though luckily less in the way of work). We've kept in touch with lots of text-messaging when possible, and of course always talking on the phone for a good long time just before bed.

On the brighter side, I should mention that we've been having some of the hottest, most intense phone sex these last couple weeks. Like mind-blowingly, toe-curlingly, bone-warmingly hot. In fact, I'm shuddering a little right now just thinking about it. Among other things, I've been able to get that sexy woman to open up and talk more, using dirty words and everything heh. So very fun, and so indescribably sexy.

I've noticed small changes in my level of confidence as far as our relationship goes, too. Not anything I'd have noticed at the time, but in retrospect there must have been slivers of disbelief mixed into the trusting bond we built back when we were online-only. Those doubts have been blown away now - there's a fullness, a wholeness, to our connection. It's pure and unalloyed now, and that's a beautiful thing in itself. It's also given me a new foundation upon which I am building a new kind of dominance. I don't think its shape will be too different from how it's been in the past, but it feels more rooted and real now.

My sweet k opened Christmas presents from me today. Nothing as huge as the collar I sent her last year (and remind me to post about that collar sometime soon, by the way), but just some little things to make the woman I love smile and feel merry. Even though we've been together in person, there's still something very special about her opening up gifts I've chosen and thought about and wrapped and mailed. I'm looking forward to being able to share a Christmas with her for real one year soon, and many Christmases after that.

Oh I promised you a little surprise at the end of this post, didn't I? Well we are about to meet for the second time. I'll get into the whys and wherefores soon, but for now I'm revelling in the knowledge that the gal I love and own will be sleeping in my bed a few days hence, and I will be kissing her at midnight as the year changes.

That's just unbeatable as a way to start a new year, if you ask me.

Bedtime

I'm not going to try and tackle the whole "big picture" like magnificent k did in the previous post. Really I can't do it justice, because every time I try my mind ends up racing in a million directions at once, unable to settle on a metaphor or scheme or trope to pull it all together. So instead I'll continue to plod away, remembering and describing certain details, and the thoughts that spin out from there.

I arrived in k's city relatively late in the evening, and after having some dinner and talking, with big grins and jangled nerves and potent hormones, one thing led to another and I put it to her that I wanted to take her back to my hotel room and into bed.

She looked at me with all the vibrant love and audacious submission she has, and said yes.

Now, without getting into everything that it meant to me, and skipping over a lot of "plot" here, let me just talk about the pure bliss that it is to share a bed with this woman of mine. I've known forever that k likes to sleep, and even when not sleeping spends a fairly significant amount of time in bed - it's home for her. I've been wanting to be in bed with her for years, and it was beyond description to actually be there with her.

She does love to sleep, and I wanted to let her sleep a lot that first night, since she had an early start at work the next morning (it being shopping season at the retail store where she works). Besides, I was tired out too, from a long flight and long drive, and being too wired to sleep the night before. We both needed to rest.

Needless to say, we did no such thing. I really wanted to let her sleep, but it just wasn't going to happen. Our bodies had their own ideas, and everything was so magical that we gave in to those deliciously base corporeal demands.

We did a lot of things in bed over those few days. Besides the obvious (which I may or may not get into in another post), we also did do some sleeping, some reading aloud, some singing, some talking. Lots and lots of kissing and carressing. It was shockingly easy and right, the way our bodies fit together and moved together. There were expressions of love and acting-out of the D/s dynamic between us all the time, even in our sleeping positions.

I had been warned by k herself that she was a blanket thief, but that was a lie. She is as generous and warm and welcoming in sleep as she is when awake.

Sharing a bed with the woman of my dreams, the woman I love transcendently, the woman who is fully and beautifully Mine - it was a feeling unlike any other, and I'm still reeling from it a week and a half later.

the inbetween time

k here, i decided it was about time for me to weigh in on everything - make sure you all know that i am still here, and my Irch has not finally drifted off into some fantasy land, like he's been threatening to do for a while now.

I am still not sure i have words to describe our weekend together - it was wonderful and glorious and just the most perfect thing i've ever experienced. It really was just natural and right, being together - like we were finally able to really act out our love in person through touches and kisses and caresses, instead of through the longing sighs and typed words we've been using for years now.

Honestly I wasn't sure how well it was going to work out - i kept replaying so many different ways for our first meeting to pan out, of course none of them were anywhere close to what actually happened.

A week later, i am discovering that i didn't realize just how much we would connect over those few days we got to spend together. That it would be one of those bone deep soul touching sort of connections. And now, now that He's gone, that He's back in His home - i've never missed Him more than i do now.

I've never wanted to touch Him, and lay in His arms more than I do now. I've never wanted to kiss Him and sleep with Him more.

I didn't realize that in getting to experience all those things we've been longing for, for years now, i would have to miss them after He left. It aches down to my heart when i think about how much i want to be with Him again.

Status Confirmed

Well I think I'm finally ready to begin talking about some of what happened this past weekend with my luscious k. Most likely this will be just the first of a long series of posts, wherein I over-analyze everything in minute detail. In other words, just more of the usual around here!

I'm going to focus on spanking today. We had a really nice intense spanking session one of the nights I was there ... or maybe it was during the afternoon. To tell you the truth the whole long weekend is kind of a blur that way. In any case, the spanking was simultaneously (a) just what I thought it would be and (b) full of surprises.

I guess the real shock about it didn't hit me until afterwards. One thing I discovered during my time with k is that in person our D/s is even more intoxicating, to the point where certain mental faculties are subdued and instinct rises to the fore. I'm happy to report that we are both very satisfied with how our instincts meshed and informed each other's so well. But wait, let's get back to the spanking!

So when I layed her over my lap and started in, it seemed very right. I've known for a very long time that this is something that she craved, something I wanted to try, something expressive for both of us, and goodness knows it's something that we've acted out dozens of times online or over the phone. But after it was over (well, quite a while after, because that was just one part of a longer escapade), I realized something that I didn't admit to myself beforehand ... I was actually trepidatious about the whole spanking thing to some degree. In the moment, of course, there was no question - it was just the thing that was going to happen. But in retrospect, I must have had some nervousness about it in the back of my mind.

I mean, I've given plenty of playful swats in my time, and I've heightened sensation in the midst of other passionate pursuits with some surprising stings like that. But this more concentrated effort, focusing for a while on just the act of spanking k and the emotions it evokes, this real administration of a spanking - this was something new. There was a certain (small, but still there) amount of doubt as to whether I could pull it off and make it something both of us would get pleasure out of.

Turned out I needn't have let it bother me in the least. Taking her over my lap was 100% perfectly natural, instinctual as I implied above, and smacking her round ass with my hard flat hand was just deeply fulfilling. It turned me on to no end, pushed all those Dommish buttons in my brain, allowed my control and k's submission to sing in harmony, made my woman wet and whimpery, and set the stage for further inspired lovemaking that followed. I don't suppose I need to get into real detail about the D/s dynamics of it all, since other have been far more eloquent than I on that topic, but suffice it to say it was everything I'd hoped it would be on that score.

Even if I hadn't enjoyed myself as much as I did, I'd still be eager to do more, just because of the breathless surrender it inspired in my sexy k. But now that I've confirmed beyond any doubt that spanking her is such a profound thrill for me as well, and that it's an intuitive act ... I cannot wait for my next chance!

Got to start planning another trip right away.

In Person III

I went back to look at this old post, wherein I made a (very partial) list of things I wanted to do when I met my precious k in person. I thought that, as a way of starting to talk about our weekend, I could give an update on which items from the list we managed to do in our all-too-brief time together...


1. stare into her eyes and breathe in her presence a
2. tangle my fingers in her hair a
3. sit with her head in my lap a
4. kiss her mouth for about two hours without pause a
5. hear her whisper my name a
6. know the size of her hand in mine a
7. kiss her inner wrist and nibble at the flesh there a
8. play a hot game of scrabble
9. take a very long walk, preferably in cool and damp weather, fingers interlaced a(well, could have been longer, but was injoyable)
10. cook a meal for her, and watch her eat it a(think this should count, even if it was both of us cooking together for a larger group)
11. get our picture taken together
12. see her tongue peek out the side of her mouth when she concentrates
13. make out in a car or in a movie theater like a couple of horny teenagers a(in the car, and it was very hot)
14. spank her a
15. sing a song together
16. savor the juices of her cunt a
17. sleep naked with her a
18. go out dancing
19. go out dancing knowing that she holds my cum in her body
20. press my hand to the curve of her hip a
21. read a book to her or listen to her read to me a
22. inhale her scent deeply a
23. go out for a run and shower together afterwards
24. shop for groceries together a
25. feel the weight of her breasts in my palms a
26. sit with my arm around her a
27. undress her a
28. warm up her icy cold feet on my stomach
29. bake a pie together
30. give her ass a squeeze in public a(just a brief one as we cooked dinner, see #10)
31. feel her nipples tighten and pucker under my touch a
32. stand before her as she kneels a
33. watch her get dressed and brush her hair a
34. hear the gasps and keens she makes as she approaches orgasm, right in my ear a
35. hum low and deep with my lips pressed to her cunt a
36. watch her draw or paint
37. refer to her as "Mine" in front of other people
38. take her earlobe between my teeth a
39. massage her shoulders and back a(was just her shoulders, but I'll get to the rest next time)
40. place my hand on her thigh a
41. feel her eyelashes flutter against my skin a
42. watch her sleep a
43. mark her with a bright red hickey on her neck
44. drink hot chocolate together
45. whisper all manner of salacious things in her ear to make her thighs clench a(there needed to be more of this, though)
46. work on a crossword puzzle together
47. do something cliche-manly, like open a jar or kill a spider
48. listen to her heart beat in her chest a
49. hold her in my lap as I let my hands roam over every surface of her body
50. look into her eyes when I tell her I love her a

As you can see, we managed the majority of them, and we are starting to think about the next visit, so there will be plenty of time to do the rest and so much more!

I'll be posting bits and pieces of things over the next several days as aspects of our time together start to become talk-about-able in my mind. Sure was glorious though, in every way.

Wonderful

This weekend was without a doubt the most amazing of my life. More details in a future post, when I can somehow manage to find words to put to it all. For now, just: wow.

I love you, My sweet tremendous brilliant k. Today and forever.

today

He is going to be here today, in less than an hour actually.

I've been feeling it in my stomach all day, we're going to meet eye to eye for the first time tonight.

All these years that we've known each other have been building up to this.

He's going to be here tonight.

Bet Your Bottom Dollar

There's a lot of promise in the word "tomorrow."

I will sleep the sleep of the righteous tonight, spend most of the day travelling, then tomorrow evening I will wrap my arms around sweet k for the first time.

Just the knowledge of that happening, even without the execution of it yet, is swelling my heart (and other things, as you may have guessed from the oh-so-subtle picture to the left).

I have a sense of peace and what I might call "pre-fulfillment" today, and I am absolutely rock-solid certain that this has been more than worth all the waiting and pain it took to get here.

No creeping at a petty pace for us.

Full Steam Ahead

The time is coming up so soon. Can count the remaining days on one hand now, as beautiful k is fond of pointing out.

I was thinking that it must be boring to read this blog at the moment. Even if I could somehow impart the sense of anticipation and inevitability in an eloquent way, it doesn't make for good diaristic writing. If this were fiction, I'd have subtle foreshadowing, control over an accelerating pace, etc. In short, it would make a better read than my trying to condense days of thoughts and emotions into these posts that tend to repeat themselves. Ah well, that's just how it's going to be for four (FOUR!) more days.

I was looking back over older posts here, paying especial attention to the ones where I talk about our long-distance online relationship, tracking my thoughts about it over time. I expected that my feelings would have changed a lot since those days, now that I'm on the cusp of making a long-held dream come true. But I find myself surprisingly consistent in the way I understand and intuit the connection that sweet k and I share. My older writings aren't so much "justifications" of how our love worked from a distance, so much as they were descriptions and emotional outpourings about it all (though sometimes some anxiety peeks through, it's true). And nothing has changed in that light. I believe all the same things I used to believe, and I wouldn't modify anything that I've said.

I consider this meeting to be the next step in something that's been ongoing. It will surely be a sea change, but it will not be a metamorphosis. The core of who we are together, the transcendent beauty of that, the love that glows across the miles, remains.