Uncharted Territory

Things with Irch and i have been moving so smoothly, it's just so natural to move in and out of each dynamic of our relationship, and throughout it all is that underlying melody of my submission and His dominance. We may play several variations on the theme and yet it is that melody which holds the whole piece together and it runs strong throughout.

It often surprises me how strong it is at times, we no longer slip into our roles as Master and slave, it is something we wear at all times. It's a deep part of who i am, the very essence of me and something i've found i could never turn off, even if i wanted to. This week i came face to face with that knowledge and it was completely overwhelming.

As you know from Irch's latest post we recently had a chance to spend almost an entire day together, it was so wonderful to just joke and goof off and then move so easily into a scene, at one moment be talking about what i made for lunch and the other to be on my knees staring up into my Master's eyes. We've been using a webcam more and more often recently, and there was just something about actually seeing His eyes while i was so subbed out.

At one point Irch asked me to look into His eyes and tell Him what i saw there, now in my mind i knew what He wanted me to say. He was prompting me to move on with our scene, and yet i couldn't get my mouth to cooperate. I simply could not just say what i knew He wanted me to say when i saw so much more.

I did see that desire there, but at the same time i also saw so much more. Looking into His eyes in that moment, i saw boundless love and devotion there for me. For me - that's a bit hard to swallow. That someone i love so deeply could actually feel the same way about me and to actually see it so obvious in His eyes in that moment was almost more than i could bear. It was so overwhelming to see all that emotion there that i couldn't say or do anything, and He had to guide me along for a bit before i came to myself again.

It was just so heart-stoppingly amazing to see all that written in His eyes, i didn't even know how to respond. It was finally blindingly obvious how much this Man loves me, how much His dominance of me is not only such a part of who He is but a part of what makes me whole, and all that desire not for some model or movie star, but for me. A silly, ADD, often immature, self-conscious girl like me.

It's very humbling to realize that someone loves you so completely, i don't think anyone ever really expects the sort of rush it is to finally realize that and to own it and cherish it. You have to stop for a moment and say - "you mean me? you weren't looking at someone behind me or something right?" Because when you find someone who loves you like that and you love them right back it's just amazing and i gladly give Him my forever because i know that i have His.

I've happily crossed over to each new level of love and intimacy with Irch throughout our relationship, but this one caught me by surprise. But i am so glad that we've made our way to this newest level and i can't wait to see what's next.