Up Close and Personal

So it's been a while now since the day I put my tremendous k on an "orgasm schedule," and I've been meaning to write about it in the intervening time ... At first I was a bit overwhelmed by the whole experience and had difficulty wrapping my head around what it all meant to me. Then some crazy real-life family emergencies intervened. So now here I am almost two weeks later finally trying to put my reactions into words. It will be a bit easier now, but not by much.

The impetus for the whole enterprise came from the fact that beautiful k is deliciously orgasmic. On the right day, in the right mood, she will cum and cum and cum, and it's one of the many aspects of her physicality that I cherish. I love that the sweet celebration of life that is an orgasm is within easy reach for her (and yeah I guess maybe I'm a bit in awe of the whole thing to, not to say jealous). I've never once in the past kept her from cumming whenever she wanted, or told her she had to do so at a certain moment. Well sure once in a while, in the heat of a scene I may cajole her to hold back and prolong the on-the-edge feeling, or I may use the old "cum for me now" to reinforce my dominance and her submission, but really it's always been in the service of maximizing pleasure, and riding through the improvisatory push-and-pull landscape of arousal.

This day was quite different.

k has already posted about all mechanics and details, so I won't reiterate. My feeling going into the "project" was that it would be fun for both of us, an experiment, a little power-surge for me, some little subbed-out moments for her, and just a frivolous way to mark time during the day. Really I wasn't prepared for how profoundly it affected me.

And I really wish I had the words to describe the rush of energy that coursed through me the whole day. I guess the easiest way to put it is to say that I had that transcendent, charged thrum running through me - the one I get when experiencing the most intense domination of k - except that it lasted all day without pause. Every moment, every breath, was filled with my assertion and her acquiescence. It was never background: always right in my face, arcing through my brain, singing through my veins. It was actually rather exhausting by the end of the day, not that I'm complaining in the least mind you, actively focusing like that.

So that in itself was just an outstanding unique glorious experience, truly perfect in every way. But as usual, my k managed to lift it higher into a realm of sublimity, and this is where it gets achingly beautiful for me.

At some point in the evening, we were texting back and forth, talking about all those D/s feelings we were experiencing, and also just chatting about this and that as we do. At some point, I was teasing her about something (I forget what right now), and she came back at me with one of her witty ripostes: "butthead :P"

And it was like the stars snapped into a new alignment or something, I swear. I suddenly had a new perspective on the day, my dominance, her submission, everything. It wasn't a game we were playing, there was no distance between us, we weren't pretending to be different people. Most wonderfully, my beloved k was not "acting the part" of a sub, but simply being herself. What an overwhelming heart-stopping realization. I mean, I've always known it, but to have it so obvious and unavoidable ... here was this brilliant, shining, complex, sassy-tending-to-bratty woman I love, and she was unmistakably the same woman who had been submitting to me all day, offering herself to my control, altering the natural rhythms of her body and mind to the rhythms I dictated.

There's just no hiding from the fact that she loves me and submits to me lovingly. It's written in mile-high letters on the horizon. I love her and feel true ownership of her more than I ever have, which is a joyous and chest-expanding and life-altering thing. My k was present in my heart in a new way that day and ever since.

Who knew that "butthead" was a magic word?