Temporary Relief

My succulent k has the day off today. She sent me a text message at work when she awoke, telling me about how she is all languid and warm in bed and missing me.

Unsurprisingly, this made me focus on other things than work.

I adore the way certain aspects of her personality are emphasized when she is drowsy and lazy. Never fails to turn me on and get my Dommishness in an uproar.

At those moments, it's unfair that we don't get to be together regularly. Well, at all moments really, but those ones are particularly intense. This morning, I made her roll onto her stomach and masturbate to orgasm while repeating out loud that she belongs to me. It gave me some long-distance Domly satisfaction, put my surrendering k in the submissive mental space that she inhabits so beautifully, and gave her a little release to start the day.

It's not a perfect solution, but it works for us when there are few alternatives.

The Second Time

I had to get up at 4am that morning, so i could be at the airport by 5 for a flight at 6. It was dark, and i was tired and nervous. I hate flying, and not only would i be taking 2 flights that day, the first would be on a propeller plane.

All things considered the flights weren't too bad. The first flight was the best actually, i had an entire row to myself for spreading out in. The second flight i was squashed between two men.

The first flight ended at a familiar airport, and i got to make my way to my gate fairly easily, only to learn my flight would be delayed for 2 hours - two hours i could have spent taking a nap or reading - i spent texting my just awake Irch.

And then the second flight, too many hours long, i didn't think it was ever going to end, but i did manage to catch a few blessed moments of sleep before we landed.

And then a new airport, a new state, and i walked quickly - like i always do in airports - making my way to the departure gates. My eyes always straining ahead for that first glimpse.

And then finally, coming up a long incline, there He was, waiting at the top for me. And I was in His arms again, and His lips covered mine once more, and it made the hours of flying, and the hours of missed sleep, and the days of missed work completely worth it - i was home.

BratCam

My sassy subbie k has been acting a bit bratty the last couple of days. Just her usual "fun and games" kind of bratty, but still ... defiant when she didn't need to be, sometimes trying to goad me into doing something about it. I realized that the webcam (which we use a few times a week usually) provides for her a different kind of platform for that incorrigible insouciance.

First of all, I have to point out here what I've pointed out to my cheeky k a number of times: what a reversal it's been since I first got her a webcam! There was a lot of temerity on her part at first (you can read about some of it here), and it used to take a lot of convincing and flexing of the Dom-muscles to get her to agree to turn it on in the past. It took months of steady perssure to get her to flip it on for the very first time. But nowadays she's the one all excited about using it, always on the lookout for an occasion. This turnabout amuses me to no end.

In any case, I've noticed that those couple of times that we've really been together in the flesh, she keeps her brattiness on lockdown. I don't know if it's because there's so much else going on that she doesn't think to be cheeky, or if she's finally getting all the attention she wants and deserves, or if she's too scared to act up when my spanking hand is in such close proximity, or something else entirely... but whatever the reasons behind it, she is relatively tame that way in person.

However when we text back and forth, or speak in IM, or over the phone, she has no such inhibitions. This is part of her that I've grown accustomed to, a part of her I love and appreciate, a part of her that sometimes annoys and infuriates. It's taken some time to get to a point where I can decode when her brattiness is playful, when it's flat-out misbehavior, and when it's a willfulness calculated to exact punishment. Not that I always get it right, mind you, but a lot more often than I used to now.

What's interesting is the new element that the webcam adds to the mix. I think the distance created by the webcam, the feeling that one is "putting on a show" to some extent, allows my cunning k to try out behaviors she might not try in person.

One of the differences is the whole new arsenal at her disposal to express her sassiness, from the cocked eyebrow to the stuck-out tongue to the exasperated eye-roll. It's been interesting and fun getting used to these expressions, and matching them up with phrases she might type to me or say over the phone in a different circumstance.

The webcam also allows me to see past the surface expressions and to the underlying warmth, love, and good humor that my k has in abundance. I can see the coy smile that threatens to burst out from beneath a fake scowl, the confidence in her own beauty and uniqueness that peeks from behind her pouts.

Last night, we were chatting with our webcams on, and hungry k was eating something. I asked her what it was, and she thought she'd play a game. She told me over and over again that she wasn't eating anything, while continuing to pop I don't know what - raisins or something - into her mouth at regular intervals. "You're hallucinating. My poor old Dom's eyesight is going bad." And I realized that, besides the general amusement that comes from the patently absurd, this was highly entertaining and more than a little erotic, purely because of the webcam being used...

She wouldn't think to do this in person, because of course I could just see what it was she had in her hand. In IM or over the phone, it would have lost that stark bold "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" visual irony. This was brattiness suited to its medium, and raised nearly to an art form. And the genuine gleam of fun in her eyes the whole time made it hard to think of it as the usual kind of acting up.

In the end, my stubborn k got the punishment that she was so clearly begging for, albeit one that incorporated reminders that there are better ways to go about it. I was able to push her down deep into her sub-space, really extend and deepen my control, claim and possess her as fully as I ever have. And some of it wouldn't have been possible without the motivation that the webcam provided.

One of the best investments I ever made, that camera. I'm sometimes amazed at my own foresight in giving it to the tantalizing, creative, sexy, sumptuous gal I own and love.

Lunch and Longing

I'm still reeling a little from my romantic k's last post, which is why it's taken me some time to post something of my own.

This is an odd way to go about answering Tulsa's quest for personal details:

"I'd like to know more about your everyday lives. Ages, areas, what you look like how you met (this might be in here), how you deal with being apart [...] What are your favorite colors? Do you like animals? Are you people who spend your lives in front of desks or outside?"

I suppose I'm more willing to go into a little detail now than I have been in the past, so the following is an attempt to get into some of this stuff we've been mostly keeping to ourselves.

Magnificent k and I are pretty different in lots of small and large ways (at least different within the scope of 21st-century college-educated Americans, which admittedly is a relatively narrow slice of things). Here's a handy little chart, so you all don't have to go read actual sentences or anything to get the basic details.

• Irch is West Coast urbanite
  
• K is Bible-belt small-city
  

• Irch is politically-liberal atheist
• K is politically-conservative Christian

• Irch is late-30s, divorced
• K is early-20s, never married

• Irch is not a big fan of nonhuman creatures living in his house
• K loves the pets

• Irch works a desk job, is something of a music scholar, likes to read books
  
• K works in retail, is something of a literature scholar, likes to listen to music

Those are some of the bigger contrasts that pop into my head. Naturally, as this blog attests regularly, there are overwhelming amounts of similarity too. Which brings me to the topic of the sandwich.

I've written here before about how important food is to me, and how we've tried to share cooking and eating experiences in the past. One of the ways that this has manifested itself lately has been in the creation of our own signature sandwich. Yes, I am a "gastro-dork," but it makes me feel closer to the gal I love when one of us is eating this bit of deliciousness. Though it falls short of being a full-fledged recipe by dint of its simplicity, it's something we both created and we both love to eat, which makes it special.

For the record, I'm talking about a sandwich of dill-havarti cheese, tomato, and avocado, on some kind of interesting bread (I tend toward the sourdough baguette myself), with some spicy brown mustard. How completely ludicrous and how completely wonderful that I can feel like we are having a special meal together when we are a couple of time zones apart.

Sometimes it's the small things that make the distance between sexy k and I seem smaller.

The first time

The first time we met, in person, flesh to flesh, face to face, i was so nervous. I thought about running away, about not answering my phone, anything i could do to keep the inevitable from actually happening. I remember feeling a deep pull in the deep pit of my stomach when He did call letting me know He'd made it to town.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen that night - i'd actually planned to come home to my apartment after we'd spent some time together that night and see how things went the next day.

After dinner we went out to the parking lot, our cars right next to each other, to decide what we wanted to do next. It was a little cold, and i felt so awkward holding my purse there, but He made me forget about all of that.

He wrapped His arms around me, and pulled me against His chest. It was so right there, that's where i fit. And i pulled back enough to look up at Him again, just before He whispered.

"I need to kiss you."

And His lips descended to cover mine before i even had time to really hear what He had said, so warm and soft and everything i've ever wanted. And god i just wanted to kiss Him like that forever.

I will hold on to this memory for the rest of my life.

Well as you all know my Irch decided to open the blog content up to any questions you all might have for us - because i know i often struggle for blog topics, and apparently Irch is tired of telling you all how wonderful i am - though i don't know how that could be, He hasn't even told you all half of the things that make me so wonderful. (joking, joking ... seriously)

But i thought i might be the first to tackle one of the questions which was posed by Votary. She asked:

As far as my curiosities go, they always venture quite imaginatively into the blank spaces in your entries. I always wonder more about your day to day lives, and what strategies you use to make it through each day without each other. I feel like I struggle a lot with loneliness and self-doubt in a LD relationship, but you guys make it seem so effortless. So what's your secret(s)?

I think this is something that we both tend to gloss over alot in our posts - we tend to stick to the soaring highs, rather than dwell on the low points we come to when we write here. But i do think that we both struggle at times with loneliness and things like that in our relationship. I will only speak for myself right now, and Irch can chime in later if He feels the need.

I am one of those natural-born-worriers. I worry all the time - i worry about being late to work when i still have 20 minutes before i have to be there, i worry about paying my bills even though i know i have more than enough money to cover them, i worry about my family's well being, i worry about Irch's well being, i worry that one day He'll wake up a decided this long distance thing isn't working, that it's not worth it.

It's just the way i am, i guess - and i have been this way for as long as i can remember.

So things get hard at times, being long-distance means i can't get those reassuring hugs and soft caresses that would normally ease my worrying mind, i don't get to look into His eyes, every day or sleep beside him every night - and it's hard. I hate the distance, and i hate that we can't have all those little things that we crave every day.

There are little things we do to help ease the frustrations and depressions of being so far apart. I think the biggest help recently has been the webcam, to be able to actually see Him does a world of good for me - to see the look of love in His eyes, even though we're so far apart helps to push aside all those thoughts that sometimes fill my mind.

The collar i wear also helps me a great deal. I don't often realize the number of times i reach up during the day and just hold the charm between my fingers - it's a physical reminder of the bond that Irch and i share, and it helps to calm me and give me strength through out my days without Him.

The trip i took to see Him in December was actually fueled, in part, by an intense period of missing one another, and we decided to make the spur of the moment trip - of course, as much as i might like to, we won't be able to just make sudden trips like this whenever we miss the other just a little too much. But those times when we are together they really do help the in between times. Being able to remember that when we're apart and pull up shared experiences and memories together when we talk on the phone really does help ease the pain.

And apart from Irch, i have been able to share Him with my friends, with whom i live and see daily - and even when I am not able to talk to Irch on the phone, or see Him over the webcam, or any of the things we might normally do when we're missing the other. I can tell them, I can complain to my best friend that long distance relationships suck, that i miss Him so much, and all i want to do is be held by Him again, and she is there for me. She is there to comfort - and tease - me when i need it. And i think that is one of the biggest helps, that it's not just me dealing with this on my own, but knowing that Irch is as well, and that i have friends who i can turn to when i need to.

So those are some of the things that really help me, Votary. I am sure Irch will have a few things to add, seeing as He usually does.

But feel free to ask more questions, if you haven't already, or even if you have. Irch seemed really excited at the prospect of having ideas from someone else about what we should post here - He's a bit excitable when it comes to the blog, if you haven't noticed already. ;)