Time Flies

My splendid k and I have been in this frustrating place lately. The time I have available to spend with her has been a lot less the past few weeks, and her own schedule has been almost as hectic. While we still remain in touch through the day, on and off, sometimes ten or twelve hours might go by with no word from either of us.

I find this quite depressing.

But it's a different "mode" of melancholy now than it was in the past.

Last Christmas, for example, my peerless k was away for over a week, with no internet, and this was before we were really doing the phone & text thing in the near-casual way we do today (not that a phone conversation with her is ever casual - always frought with buzzing excitement and charged with erotic longing). This time wasn't much fun, but of course I had plenty of holiday distractions myself, and at the time we were still "feeling each other out" in a way, I think - trying to establish what this shared love meant. How far each of us was willing to tumble for the other. So it wasn't the world's most awful thing to endure, missing her then. It was just a matter of waiting things out so we could begin anew.

During our "march madness" time, there was another long period wherein our conversations were brief and scattered. This one was a lot more difficult for me, because there were a lot of unanswered questions and swords of Damocles seemed to be hanging everywhere. I felt, deep down, that when the stretch of time was over, everything was going to be alright and we'd emerge stronger and better than before, but it was still a time of turmoil and uncertainty. And every time we were able to snatch a few minutes together, the strain was palpable on both sides. Thank goodness that is all past and evaporated and gone.

Today, my love for her is stronger and more all-encompassing than ever, and I am confident and blood-sure of her love in return. The D/s dynamic we have keeps developing and expanding, and my ownership of her has never been more meaningful, steadfast, and profound. When I miss her today, it's a bubbling roiling kind of ache, often manifesting itself physically. My heart yearns and I feel incomplete, craving that sense of unbroken pefection that comes from being with her.

Because of the deep intrinsic connection we have, my emotions tend to swing more wildly when I'm unable to talk to her often. My need for her is greater than it has ever been. But at the same time, that sharp pang is softened by what it grows from. There's a solid unassailable bedrock of love beneath everything - that makes missing her more intense, but it also gives it a blunter edge, a muted timbre. When this time passes, there is not a shred of doubt that we will be just as intimate and intoxicated with each other as always.

She is Mine forever now, and when that kind of delirious infinity stretches before me, it's so much easier to bear a temporary lack of contact.

Of course, when we meet in person someday, this will all get much more complicated. Stay tuned for that.