faraway so close

Well it's been a reeeeeeeally long time now since my k and I have had some serious spans of time together, about 90% of it due to my work schedule and other crazy unpredictable r/l stuff. This is not a good thing. I try to act like a world-weary, aloof, in-control kind of Dom, but really I'm just aching for her.

Without the phone and the text messaging and the emails, it would be pretty unbearable, for sure. These things help a whole lot. But I need the "face time." I'm always feeling that strong bond between us, vibrating and pulling and informing everything I do, so it's really disappointing to have stupid stuff intervene, preventing me from enjoying that bond to its fullest.

I've always been completely aware that the idea of a collar and a long-distance internet relationship was going to have its problems, of course, but that doesn't stop those problems from being frustrating in the extreme. It will most likely be a whole week before I get to spend a decent amount of time with k again, and that's pretty heart-wrenching to think about. It makes me increase the number and complexity of the offline assignments I give her, and causes me to send text and voice messages at an alarming rate, too.

A couple of things happened yesterday which were magical, though.

The first thing: We managed to steal about an hour to be together in IM. k had had an excruciating day. I wasn't doing all that great myself, but a lot better than her I think. After catching up a little and sympathizing back and forth, we ended up having a nonsexual "scene," of just comfort and tenderness and love. So brief, but so sensual and good and just bone-deep happy. I felt like a great friend and lover, the way that I have when we've had similar scenes in the past. But there was a new dimension to it this time - I was really her Dom and she my sub. I wanted to just pull all the burdens off her and shoulder them myself, take away all the stress and frustration and anger and just let her unravel. I wanted her to lean on me, use my strength, empty herself of all the pain of the day and fill herself of me instead. Felt just incredible.

The second thing: I've given my k a few phone assignments, where she has to leave me a voice message with something I've asked for. Every single one of them has been so special and uniquely arousing, stirring very powerful feelings in me as I listen later. For the most part, I've tried to make these boundary-pushing assignments, where she has to overcome some shyness or fear to perform the task. So this last assignment was originally going to be just having her read some dirty x-rated words to me, since I know she's a little reticent about saying such things out loud a lot of the time. But as things happened, the assignment grew, and it turned into her reading to me one of her sex stories while she masturbated herself to climax. Mmhmm yep, you can imagine how awesome that was to listen to, in so many ways. And then at the end, she thanked me (part of the assignment) by name (not part of it), and told me she loved me (also not part of it) while still panting from the release of her orgasm. Now that's what I call a good voice message.

So obviously, even though we hardly spent any time actually together yesterday, it turned out to be quite a great day. Would have been better for sure if we had more time, but I really can't complain. There was a time when the first thing would have made me feel warm and happy and friendly, but wouldn't have gotten my Dom-ness going. And there was a time when the second thing would have gotten me super-aroused and a little Dom-ish, but not to the degree I achieved today. And of course there was a time when neither of the activities would have been so suffused with love and devotion. It's really impossible to separate that from anything now.

k will do a lot for me, and I will do a lot for her. And the list of things that we do for each other keeps growing and evolving. As I've said here twenty times already, the friendship and the D/s and the love are meshed and intertwined to such a degree that it's really crazy to try and pick a single motivation for anything we do together any more.

Life is wild and bold and electric and ecstatic because she is mine.