In Person III

I went back to look at this old post, wherein I made a (very partial) list of things I wanted to do when I met my precious k in person. I thought that, as a way of starting to talk about our weekend, I could give an update on which items from the list we managed to do in our all-too-brief time together...


1. stare into her eyes and breathe in her presence a
2. tangle my fingers in her hair a
3. sit with her head in my lap a
4. kiss her mouth for about two hours without pause a
5. hear her whisper my name a
6. know the size of her hand in mine a
7. kiss her inner wrist and nibble at the flesh there a
8. play a hot game of scrabble
9. take a very long walk, preferably in cool and damp weather, fingers interlaced a(well, could have been longer, but was injoyable)
10. cook a meal for her, and watch her eat it a(think this should count, even if it was both of us cooking together for a larger group)
11. get our picture taken together
12. see her tongue peek out the side of her mouth when she concentrates
13. make out in a car or in a movie theater like a couple of horny teenagers a(in the car, and it was very hot)
14. spank her a
15. sing a song together
16. savor the juices of her cunt a
17. sleep naked with her a
18. go out dancing
19. go out dancing knowing that she holds my cum in her body
20. press my hand to the curve of her hip a
21. read a book to her or listen to her read to me a
22. inhale her scent deeply a
23. go out for a run and shower together afterwards
24. shop for groceries together a
25. feel the weight of her breasts in my palms a
26. sit with my arm around her a
27. undress her a
28. warm up her icy cold feet on my stomach
29. bake a pie together
30. give her ass a squeeze in public a(just a brief one as we cooked dinner, see #10)
31. feel her nipples tighten and pucker under my touch a
32. stand before her as she kneels a
33. watch her get dressed and brush her hair a
34. hear the gasps and keens she makes as she approaches orgasm, right in my ear a
35. hum low and deep with my lips pressed to her cunt a
36. watch her draw or paint
37. refer to her as "Mine" in front of other people
38. take her earlobe between my teeth a
39. massage her shoulders and back a(was just her shoulders, but I'll get to the rest next time)
40. place my hand on her thigh a
41. feel her eyelashes flutter against my skin a
42. watch her sleep a
43. mark her with a bright red hickey on her neck
44. drink hot chocolate together
45. whisper all manner of salacious things in her ear to make her thighs clench a(there needed to be more of this, though)
46. work on a crossword puzzle together
47. do something cliche-manly, like open a jar or kill a spider
48. listen to her heart beat in her chest a
49. hold her in my lap as I let my hands roam over every surface of her body
50. look into her eyes when I tell her I love her a

As you can see, we managed the majority of them, and we are starting to think about the next visit, so there will be plenty of time to do the rest and so much more!

I'll be posting bits and pieces of things over the next several days as aspects of our time together start to become talk-about-able in my mind. Sure was glorious though, in every way.

Wonderful

This weekend was without a doubt the most amazing of my life. More details in a future post, when I can somehow manage to find words to put to it all. For now, just: wow.

I love you, My sweet tremendous brilliant k. Today and forever.

today

He is going to be here today, in less than an hour actually.

I've been feeling it in my stomach all day, we're going to meet eye to eye for the first time tonight.

All these years that we've known each other have been building up to this.

He's going to be here tonight.

Bet Your Bottom Dollar

There's a lot of promise in the word "tomorrow."

I will sleep the sleep of the righteous tonight, spend most of the day travelling, then tomorrow evening I will wrap my arms around sweet k for the first time.

Just the knowledge of that happening, even without the execution of it yet, is swelling my heart (and other things, as you may have guessed from the oh-so-subtle picture to the left).

I have a sense of peace and what I might call "pre-fulfillment" today, and I am absolutely rock-solid certain that this has been more than worth all the waiting and pain it took to get here.

No creeping at a petty pace for us.

Full Steam Ahead

The time is coming up so soon. Can count the remaining days on one hand now, as beautiful k is fond of pointing out.

I was thinking that it must be boring to read this blog at the moment. Even if I could somehow impart the sense of anticipation and inevitability in an eloquent way, it doesn't make for good diaristic writing. If this were fiction, I'd have subtle foreshadowing, control over an accelerating pace, etc. In short, it would make a better read than my trying to condense days of thoughts and emotions into these posts that tend to repeat themselves. Ah well, that's just how it's going to be for four (FOUR!) more days.

I was looking back over older posts here, paying especial attention to the ones where I talk about our long-distance online relationship, tracking my thoughts about it over time. I expected that my feelings would have changed a lot since those days, now that I'm on the cusp of making a long-held dream come true. But I find myself surprisingly consistent in the way I understand and intuit the connection that sweet k and I share. My older writings aren't so much "justifications" of how our love worked from a distance, so much as they were descriptions and emotional outpourings about it all (though sometimes some anxiety peeks through, it's true). And nothing has changed in that light. I believe all the same things I used to believe, and I wouldn't modify anything that I've said.

I consider this meeting to be the next step in something that's been ongoing. It will surely be a sea change, but it will not be a metamorphosis. The core of who we are together, the transcendent beauty of that, the love that glows across the miles, remains.

Song of Songs

k sang to me tonight.

Love flooded my whole being and I exhaled it to fill the universe too.

She is entirely too sublime.

Confidence

The day of our meeting approaches (only ten days away as I write this - soon we'll be in single digits!), its pace too slow but at least steady. It goes without saying that I'm beyond excited about it. There's a certain near-frantic giddy edge to everything in life lately, and there's a sort of burgeoning potential energy in me that feels as if it could supernova at any moment and transmute me into starlight.

I should be very nervous, and I guess I am, but I find that my nervousness is always about little things. Logistical stuff like what I'll do if my flights are delayed, smaller interpersonal stuff like how I will manage to keep my hands off her body for stretches of five minutes at a time.

We are using this meeting as a sort of shake-down cruise for a future relationship; that is, we aren't considering ourselves to be a "couple" until we meet and see how our interactions mesh in the flesh. This is why the sexual, the D/s-related, and even the romantic are topics we are treading over lightly. (Well, as lightly as we possibly can - we seem to find ways to push our own boundaries remarkably often.) On paper, at least, we are extremely close friends right now and nothing more.

We are investing this meeting with a lot of significance, in other words. Trying to protect our hearts from the possibility of pain in the future if we discover a dealbreaking something about one other during this visit.

But here's the thing: I'm really not worried about that in the least.

I am utterly confident and completely assured. Of course there are unknowns about the future, but to my mind they are more in the tempo and key and texture of how we move forward. The strongly-intertwined counterpoint of our love is rock-solid and doubtless. Yes, I've thought about what my life would be like without her in it - it's a devastating scenario to say the least - but I can't seem to make myself get anxious over it.

Call it cockiness or unearned self-assurance, but in about ten days, I'll be making her Mine again, this time forever.