Holding and Guiding

I didn't set out to be this kind of a Dom. I always thought the "lifestyle" people were cute and interesting (some of them nutjobs, but that's the case among "mainstream" folks too). But that whole thing just wasn't for me. Far too much of a feminist and all for that to be a viable option. D/s was for the bedroom - a way of interacting separated from the quotidian. Maybe not "playacting," but a dynamic and exchange that has a certain time and place.


And I guess at heart I still hold that as true. I own sweet k only as she wishes to be owned, only in arenas wherein she is comfortable being owned. But those arenas keep broadening and encompassing more of our lives. There have been times when it's made me reflect and even worry. It's certainnly a responsibility I take very seriously.

It started out simply. Sexy k was preparing to take the GRE test for graduate school, and was having difficulty finding her focus. I offered to help, and set her up with a little schedule, urged her to stick to it, told her of my pride when she did, tsked when she did not. I think it helped her a little, though I have no doubt that she'd have managed just fine without my involvement. And I enjoyed it, feeling like I was more integrated into her daily life.

It was an interesting first step - felt mostly like a teacher/student kind of dynamic in some ways. k needed someone motivating her to do something that she knew was good for her. I had the satisfaction of seeing her grow and seeing her own pride in her accomplishment.

And things grew from there. Besides the usual kinds of offline "assignments," to some degree or another sexual, I've moved in and made my presence felt in many more areas. I find myself seeking out opportunities constantly as well. At bottom, she lives her own life of course. There are no areas of her life that she keeps hidden from me any more (and there are none I keep hidden from her either, for the record), but I don't feel the desire to assert any form of control or guidance over every single thing. Mostly, I only enter areas where I'm invited. Well, maybe with a few exceptions heh.

I don't want her to "live for me," but I want her to live with me suffusing her mind and heart. I don't want to be worshipped or idolized, but I do want my presence and my love to be felt all the time, and for my wishes to carry weight. I want to motivate and guide and help and hold her, and show her what an amazing being she is. I'm not the only one who can do this, but I know I have a special role, and I can show her things about herself that nobody else can.

There are some tasks or projects I will assign that are mostly for my own amusement and delight. There are some that are mostly to keep my stunning k in that submissive frame of mind that she loves to inhabit. There are some that are mostly to help her concentrate and focus on things that need to be done, to help her prioritize her time and energy. These last ones nearly always contain elements of the first two.

I draw fewer distinctions between the bedroom and the rest of our lives than I used to. Lately I've been growing very comfortable and confident as a Dom who asserts control in other areas. It fits me much more than I thought it would, and feels quite natural.

But the only reason this is so is because it's glorious k we're talking about. I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else, reaching into anyone else's life this way. It's a push-and-pull sort of development in our relationship - we try things, see how they feel, come back for more if we like them. At some point I'm sure we'll hit something that one of us wants but the other doesn't. Haven't found that yet, though, and I can't say I'm worried about it. I still don't consider myself to be a "D/s lifestyle" person - I just consider myself to be k's Dom, and that definition has been evolving.

I suppose that in the final analysis (and I hear you all saying "yes at long last, the final analysis! how much more of this does he expect me to read?") it's all about love, like everything else has been. I want to help her, be her partner, her supporter, her cheering fan, her mentor, her guide, her listening ear, her sympathizer, her fellow bewildered human being. And it's natural that these modes of interaction are colored by my dominance and her submission.

k is Mine today in more ways than ever in the past, and I love her with more passion and blissful transcendence than ever in the past. Holding her and guiding her are fluid powerful expressions of that love.