Heh I'll let my disarming k tell you another time why that's the title of today's post. Meanwhile, there are some thing I want to say that it's very difficult for me to get a handle on.This past week or two with my beautiful k has been one of the most glorious times in my life. I know I've said here a thousand times how words can't express the tremendous feelings I have for this woman, the changes she has made in my life, the incredible heights of love I've soared to and will never come down from.
A huge transformation, or rather maybe an unfolding, has been really finding the dominance in myself, learning what it means, and expressing it in true ways. I never thought at my age that I'd be describing a new growing and evolving phase in my life. I know that lots of submissive women like to use the caterpillar-into-butterfly metaphor to describe discovering their submission and growing in it (e.g. this butterfly or this butterfly), but I'm finding it a good way to describe this journey into dominance for me too. Though I've played at it before, and of course there have always been these tendencies in me (I see now), this has been their first real blossoming in my life. And of course it's all due to my marvellous k.
You don't read much about how Doms become Doms on blogs, with a few notable exceptions. And I have to admit that keeping it all dark and mysterious is appealing. I think might be because the whole process is perhaps too similar to how subs become subs. There's been a potential there inside me, half-dormant, making itself known in subtle ways.
I think of it this way: I've been basing my pre-k life on a set of truths about myself that I assumed were the fundamental truths. They are indeed all true things, but I sense now that in many ways they are actually overtones of a deeper fundamental pitch at the heart of me, and a large component of that pitch is my dominance. Not all of it, not even most of it, but it's there in the bass resonance of my being.
It took the sympathetic vibrations in my k to help me hear that deep basso profundo, and I'm learning to fine-tune the rest of myself into harmony with it.
5 comments:
What an honest, insightful post! You're right, there are not many accounts out there of how a man grows into or, as you say, unfolds his sense of his own dominance.
Thank you for being open enough to share your story - not only in this post, but throughout all your writing here.
thanks so much for your comments, tea. I don't think I've done much yet that's particularly insightful or open, but I do definitely strive for honest. Learning and understanding as I go, always 'becoming'
I keep returning to this post; sharing vicariously in your emotions and wondering how they compare to my man's. He's an enigma, you see. He would never label himself a "dom", but he instils in me a sense of belonging to him. His dominance (if that is the correct term) is not of a nature that he feels the need to analyse or dissect.
Your articulation goes a little way towards helping me fathom him. Thank you! :)
well I'm nothing if not self-analytical, orchidea, as must be obvious by now!
I'm actually a bit surprised how strong the urge was to be dark and mysterious and unrevealing about all this - seems to go with the territory to some degree. But I'm pretty good at fighting that urge.
I honestly have no idea if there's any similarity at all between what I've been experiencing and what other Doms experience, but I'll keep typing away and trying to get a handle on it.
well thank you for saying hello chara. Always lovely to have another reader :)
Sadly, I don't think I speak in complete sentences and concise paragraphs when I chat with someone over coffee, so I have a feeling the experience would be quite different from reading this blog.
And I'll be sure to get a link up to your blog next time I have a few moments.
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