Constant Craving

Well since my last post, the text messaging and the voice mail messaging has continued apace. Can't tell you how great it is - each time I hear my k's voice, it feels like a cascade of electric sparks running from my ear down my spine and shimmering out through the rest of my body. Yeah, those electrical impulses tend to gather and strengthen around the groin area a whole lot, it's true... what did you expect?

Every time I see that she's left me a message, it gives me the same heart-skipping thrill I've always gotten from seeing her emails, except now there's a more physical aspect to it - actual sound waves that started in her chest and on her lips, sent through the atmosphere to resonate at the same frequencies in my ear. Pretty excellent, that.

So lately I've been feeling so very connected to k. I might be busy off doing something, and she might be busy off doing something, but rarely more than half a day goes by without some kind of message being sent and received. This is a huge difference - it used to be that we'd go several days, even sometimes over a week, between email messages, for one reason or another. And it was very common that we wouldn't be in contact at all over weekends, say, or just send a couple messages at random intervals over holidays.

This all changed with the use of the phone. Sometimes, to tell you the truth, it makes me a little nervous. Like how would I feel if for some reason she couldn't send messages for a week? And how would she feel if I couldn't? I mean, I'm sure everything would be alright, and we'd live through it, but wow ... it's kind of a scary thought right now. I know that my relationship with her bears some outward similarities to addiction, and this is one of them - wanting more and more, deep hunger when we're out of contact, needing my 'fix' more often and in larger doses. But I don't think it's dangerous in any way. It's love, it's pleasure, it's friendship, it's a deep commitment that feels better and better each passing day. When the time comes that we don't communicate for a few days, my mind and heart will still be full of her. I'm sure it will be kind of agonizing in its way, but I don't see it being completely devastating as it would be in the parallel case of a crackhead, say. There's far too much joy and real personal connection for that.

So instead let's concentrate on the brighter side. I feel k's presence in my life very deeply these days, and pervasively. As I said, in the past week or so, it's rare that there's been more than half a day with no contact of one form or another. And I really seriously like this! I mean, I do feel that I carry her with me all the time anyway, but having a cute little text message or a long rambling voice message on my phone, it's like I have a little lifeline to her in my pocket all the time. Everyday life is becoming more suffused with her. I can feel her gentleness, wit, brilliance, beauty, strength, integrity, tenderness, and especially her submission, radiating from her typed words or her voice, giving me energy and elation and love.

I know that, as I type this, k's been considering working up the courage to leave me a more erotic message as a voicemail, and the very idea makes me ragingly rigid and tightens the corners of my eyes. She's trying new things with me, trying to please me, trying to overcome her own fears for me. Me, her friend, her lover, her Master.