Unique

I've been pondering lately what it means to be dominant, to be "a Dom," and I've come to the realization that really I don't have much of an idea. I mean, I have vague outlines from reading I've done and talking to others, but really it's just a big mess of allusions and metaphors and half-assed concepts.

When I started to really feel the dominance in me awakening and roaring to the fore about 6-8 months ago, I thought that maybe the idea of what a Dom is would become clearer to me, but if anything it's gotten murkier. It's possible that more experience might change the nature of my understanding, but at this point I rather doubt it. It's an epistemological thing for me now - I'm starting to doubt if it's a kind of knowledge that can be grasped and codified at all. The more I try to pin it down, the slipperier it becomes.

This is not to say that I don't understand dominance at all. I do perfectly understand and continue to explore and expand and refine and redefine a dominance. My dominance. This is something that's wondrous and wild and protean, but I have a decent handle on it. My dominating k, k's submission to me: I get those. Mysterious, but knowable.

I guess if you add up all the myriad relationships in the world that identify as D/s in some way or another, and ran a series of questionnaires and did a good statistical regression analysis and had some top social scientists review the data, you might have yourself the beginnings of a core definition of dominance. But then again, you might just have a big ol mess.

In the end, the only thing I really care about is our D/s, of course, the relationship that my transcendent k and I have molded and enjoyed and nurtured. And really there's so much more to it all than just dominance and submission, but the D/s is fundamentally woven into every interaction now. I suppose that's the main problem in trying to abstract what "a Dom" is - how can dominance be disentagled from every other aspect of personality and emotion and thought?

It feels to me that dominance might be a kind of nature, not a just a kind of practice, though I am holding back judgment on that - finding the dividing line between what you are and what you do is one for greater philosophers than me. Meantime, I'll keep enjoying this grand and ennobling opening-up of deep resonances in me. More than that, I'll keep enjoying the sweet love and submission of the woman I adore beyond words.