some boring history

I never thought I'd go to a chatroom. I'd heard of them, of course, but couldn't imagine having a conversation like that. But one thing led to another - I started looking at bulletin-board sites on D/s (maybe I'll get into why at some point in the future) starting me thinking in that direction, and finally one day I took the plunge and tried MSN chat.

So I guess my transition was typical. Tried just chatting, which was fun, then stumbled into a scening room or two (actually the first open cybering rooms I went to were vanilla ones). I saw how arousing a high-quality scene could be, and I thought I could be good at it. So one day I took the plunge: sexed up my profile and went a-trolling.

At one time or another, I'm sure I tried all the kinds of rooms there were on MSN. I really got into the D/s rooms the most, though. Something really struck a chord in me there - and it wasn't only that the average scener in a D/s room was better at it than in a vanilla room. The dominant side of me started to wake up and rub the sleep out of its eyes, I guess.

I explored a lot of things, discovered my likes and dislikes within D/s, made a whole lot of friends. I was excited by the possibilities of online life, and how much fun it was to mess around in the rooms, whether cybering or not. I found places where I was welcome and people knew me, and (most flattering of all), I had a reputation for being someone good to scene with.

So that became pretty much what I did. Back when MSN had open chat, there were always new people, and regulars would always come back, and I was having a blast. Never entered my mind to collar one woman and spend all my time with just her (though I thought some of the collared relationships were really great). I got a charge out of doing online the kinds of stuff that I would never do in real life.

Anyhow, I already said that I was making friends, right? Well I ended up getting very close to a handful of them, and I'd actually make time between sweaty bouts of cybersex to chat about day-to-day stuff. What's more, I actually found myself enjoying that part of the conversation just as much. I know, crazy, eh?

And this one gal in particular caught my eye. Not only was she the best I'd ever played with (just amazing with words, so sensual and focused on detail, really able to communicate the psychological space she was in), but she was brilliant and charming and dorky-in-the-cutest-way. We started talking about all kinds of stuff, and I started to feel the kinds of emotions that made me question my decision to 'play the field' in the chatrooms.

But as luck would have it, another Dom swept her off her feet and collared her while I was still trying to sort things out. OK, I told myself, here's a big test: just how important was the friendship side of things?

So somehow we kept on talking and being pals, even while she was with this other Dom. I kept on playing too, of course, and shrugged off any notions that I wanted to be in a permanent kind of D/s relationship. I tried a few times to watch her scene in the rooms, just because I missed her unique way with words, but I couldn't watch long. I didn't want to admit my jealousy, so just kept on being friends with her and kept on playing with other subbies in the rooms.

Then things dissolved between her and that Dom, and I was introduced to a new experience: being really close friends with someone who I could also cyber with. Wow, that's a great thing. I mean a really great thing. But beyond that, there was the fact that it was her. k, I'm talking about, in case I haven't made that clear. Don't get me wrong, I was still having fun playing with other women online too, but our times together were special and grew more and more so as we got closer.

At the same time, I remember promising myself that I was online just to have fun and play around, not to have a serious relationship. In retrospect I was pretty much fooling myself. I had genuinely great cybersex with others, but I knew in my heart that k was on another level.

So after a while I asked her. She wasn't ready yet ... ok ... I could deal with that. I started playing with others a whole lot less frequently, and I actually started to feel guilty about it afterwards, incredible though it seemed.

Then there was a sort of ... hm, well an "intermission" ... maybe I'll talk about that on here someday, but not today. Basically I let k down as a friend, and I think I timed it about as badly as I could possibly have done. We worked through it (most of the work on her side) and emerged stronger friends than ever, I think. Took a few months, but it was would have been worth ten times that. It was during this intermission time that I realized how deep my feelings were for her.

Slowly but surely, we worked our way into what we've got going now. When the collar subject came up again a couple weeks ago, I tried to woo her again. I quite literally held my breath as the little thingy at the bottom of the IM box said "k is typing a message." And I got my "yes," and the world seemed to shift to a brighter pallette of colors, and every cell in my body did a little dance, and I've been just delirious and drunk on her ever since. [insert gigantic insanely-grinning smiley here]