I say Dom-ato, you say Dom-ahto

So as I mentioned in the previous post, I tried a whole lot of different D/s things when I first encountered the chat rooms. Some I liked, some I definitely didn't, some just didn't do much for me one way or the other. The main thing I discovered is that the real excitement for me is all in the sub's surrender: that sweet liquid submission, the shining energy in acquiescence, the feeling that her will is melting into mine - subsumed into me in some semi-magical way. That's what really gets my motor running.

And luckily, with the right partner (and I've certainly found the right partner), that's the one aspect of D/s that I think translates really well into cyberspace. As long as you can express yourself well with words, pay some attention to the rhythm of the other person, and have a good imagination, you can get a lot out of it. Well, I definitely have. And the chatrooms have enough people in them that some others must be getting something out of it too, right?

Anyhow, I admit I'm a trifle squeamish when it comes to the more S/M, pain-related elements of D/s play. I love to administer a good spanking, pinch a nipple, maybe nibble a little too hard on various sensitive areas ... but that's about as far as I'll go. People that like the harder stuff, more power to em, of course, but it's not my bag. Ditto for the extreme humiliation scenarios.

Now I did try these things out in cyber. The nice thing about typing words on a screen is that you can attempt things that would be much more difficult to negotiate in real life, and of course with less possibility for an unrecoverable fiasco. Anyhow, I learned pretty quickly what I do like, and I've stuck with it ever since.

The other part of the online D/s world that I tend to stay away from is the extreme (some might even say anal-retentive) formality. This one is a harder issue to unpack, but I think it really just boils down to a personal preference. Now the first time I was called "Sir" in a chatroom, and figured out the capital-letter stuff, etc, I thought it was sort of cute and fun. It has its childish side, and I think that one of the ways I was able to justify separating my r/l and online life in those early days was the sense that online D/s was just a game. It has a bunch of arbitrary rules about how everyone's supposed to act, things you're supposed to say, ways of showing respect, etc. And of course most of the rooms had borderline-control-freak rules about what would get you kicked out. Yes, I'm well aware that D/s is all about power, but come on people, lighten up!

Again, nothing against people who are into all that. It has its time and place, and I still get a kick out of some of the formal stuff (though I admit that the Gor people mostly make me stifle giggles). I know a lot of people need that formality and predictability in their lives, and a D/s room's a great place to get it. Just not a big deal to me. If my name doesn't get capitalized, I'm not losing any sleep over it. In fact, I'm probably not even noticing it.

So at some point, I decided that I'm what's sometimes referred to as a "Sensual Dom." I kind of like that description, even though I get the sense that it's used in a semi-pejorative way by other Doms sometimes. I'm sticking to my style cuz I like it, and of course because what could be wrong with a style that helped me ensnare my tasty little k?