One thing you always hear about when folks talk about cybersex and chatrooms and online life in general, is how they provide an escape from ordinary life. You can step out of your humdrum (or possibly oppressive) quotidian existence and be someone else. Test out different ways of interacting, "try on" different personas, engage in communities and activities that you wouldn't or couldn't in real life.
And certainly that was an attraction to it all for me at the beginning, when I first started going to chatrooms. I've posted before here how especially in the D/s rooms, it just seemed like being in a fictional world, as in one of those online games - dungeons and dragons or something (well dungeons for sure ... maybe not dragons).
In any case, I was thinking about that today, and realized how far from that state of mind I've come. The internet is no longer an escape for me, and hasn't been for quite a long time. It's still a part of me that's not known to family and friends in my r/l, but aside from that, what I do online is seamlessly woven into daily life.
And really it all has to do with my luminous k.
Her openness and her friendship inspired me to open my real life up to the internet in the first place, to stop being a pretend persona here and just be myself. Once I came clean and started sharing real feelings and real-life details with online friends, I never looked back. OK, I'm not going to publish my real name and address and social security number here on the blog or anything, but I can't think of any detail of my life that I haven't talked to k about at one time or another.
But there's more to it than that. More amazing is the fact that my relationship with k informs every moment of my life now. Not only am I constantly thinking of her (that's called being in love), not only am I constantly keeping in touch with her (that's called being obssessed), but I've also become a different - better - person because of her influence on my life. I feel more in tune with the world, like I'm riding through those syncopations in the rhythms of life, and like I'm living life in a full and true way. There's nothing about the world that she doesn't make more magical, so why wouldn't I want her to be part of it?
Now that's not to say that there's no element of escape at all. When we have scenes, they feel so real but are words on a screen, so there will always be that slight reminder of actions unfolding in a mental space that we create together (though I wonder if any readers in real-life D/s relationships would care to comment on this - I know some couples have scenes that are separate from normal interaction, and some have a more "integrated" lifestyle). And the medium of IM means that our scenes are never going to have those kinds of stops and starts or "stop that tickles!" moments. So I suppose in that way, it's sort of idealized. But the arc of emotional connection, the flow of D/s power exchange, the passionate harmony we create: those things are the same as they would be in real-life, I'm convinced.
Now do my k and I share flights of fancy sometimes? Sure, we're going to spend the summer visiting the capitals of Europe, taking trains, and hanging out in cafes till 2am. Sure, I'm going to show up at her door one day unannounced and whisk her off to a luxury hotel where I'll make love to her for a week straight, drink champagne, and eat peanut-butter m&ms. But you see where I'm going with this ... that's fantasy life, which is great, and happens in r/l relationships too. What I've got with k is the real thing, the thing that infuses me with joy and exhilaration in every heartbeat.
It's not escape. It's love.
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3 comments:
aw well ty pet - you're awful nice. And be patient, your Master will return before you know it!
Bearing in mind that M and I aren't in a D/s relationship, we've found that our "kinky" interactions synthesise, flowing into and merging with the vanilla sex to create a dynamic that suits us. When we first started experimenting with D/s, we would have intricate "scenes" that ultimately weren't satisfying for either of us - he didn't buy into the whole "dom" thing whilst I thought we must do everything by the book, so to speak. It took a while for me to realise that he had been sexually dominating me all along; we slowly incorporated further elements of kinky play into our sexuality and that's how we discovered how to give and receive pleasure without violating boundaries, sensibilities or one another's comfort zone. It works for us. :)
There's one exception: wax. That's a feast that requires some preparation, and it's well worth it.
Probably not the kind of comment you were looking for, I guess... but thanks for letting me anyway. ;)
orchidea, any and all comments are welcome, especially from intelligent people who have interesting things to say! Wax play isn't something I've ever thought about, to tell you the truth, but your words on it certainly make me contemplate it.
And yes, I know what you mean about the D/s and vanilla being all intertwined - once k and I found our rhythm that way (the D/s being as completely natural an expression of love as anything else), things locked together and flowed so beautifully.
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