On Your Mark

Well, the first order of business in today's blog posting is to congratulate my k for finishing her first long-range assignment for me. *huge Dom-grin* I'm really so proud of her and just dazzled by the fact that she'd plug away at this so diligently for such a long time.

A few months ago, I had the idea - half-borrowed from a Domme I know, actually - to have k work up a couple of lists for me - one of rewards, one of punishments. The purpose of this was threefold (yeah I can never have simple, straightforward motivation for anything):

1. to peek into her mind a little and see what sorts of things she'd come up with.
2. to have a handy reference list to spark my own imagination when it comes to encouraging/discouraging her behavior.
3. to see how devoted my sorta-ADD girl could remain to a long-term project.

Happy to report it was a success on all three counts! In another post, I may go into a few more details about how things went and all the many interesting things that came out of it, but one thing that I learned:

My incredible k, on (almost) no prompting from me, has taken to writing my initial on herself most days. Sort of a mark of ownership, or a physical manifestation of the connection we have, or a little reminder, or a focal point when she's feeling frazzled during the day. The very idea just fills me with so much lust for her and so much pride that I occupy such a place in her daily life. When I read it, I so wanted to jump on a plane and be with her - the urge to do that was never stronger.

It was a little startling to me when I first discovered this fact from something she said on one of her list-items. Writing my initial on her body is something that I'd asked her to do two or three times as a sort of fun long-distance play thing, mostly right after I collared her. Again more recently I'd asked her to do it as part of an exercise in concentration and focus, but I certainly never dreamed that she'd actually go about doing something like that voluntarily, without some kind of "order" from me. My heart soars and swoops when I think about it.

So now I've started writing her initial on myself as well, and wow it's a pretty special feeling. I just take a ball-point pen and scribble on my body somewhere and I can feel her with me more "clearly" somehow. It's silly, I know, but as the letter starts to fade over the course of the day, I actually get upset sometimes - have to re-ink it.

I guess the idea of an outward expression of our relationship is very attractive to me. I mean, we don't have matching wedding bands or anything, and she doesn't have a real collar. We don't have tattoos or any of that. And in fact, our relationship is really a secret from everyone else in our respective real-lives. Maybe that's why it's such a turn-on. From time to time, I think about what it would be like to be out in the open about us, not just that we are a couple, but also that we are a D/s couple - being able to introduce k to people as mine, my subbie, my obedient girl.

And then there's the typical Dom need to mark. To make clear my ownership, make her my "property" in a visible way. This drive manifests itself in my spanking her ass red, or giving her bright hard hickeys on her neck (how highschool!), or biting her supple skin from time to time. While it's my domination of her heart and mind that truly rev my motor, I'm still not beyond enjoying the physical expression of it: my body dominating hers, my body overpowering hers, my body marking hers. The letter she writes on herself definitely fills that need too.

I feel a deep pull of longing in the pit of my stomach every time I think that there's a gal a couple thousand miles away who writes my initial on her skin every day because she likes it, because it gives her pleasure or comfort, because she likes to be reminded of me.

yeah, I've got something of an ego, I guess... But wow, every time I think I've got a handle on how much I treasure this girl, my k goes and knocks me off-balance again and I find myself rocketing to new heights of love.