Crisis Mode

So wow, it seems like subbies are in crisis mode lately ... taylor is taking a break from blogging to wrap her head around stuff. ling seems like she's asking to be released from her collar. Even my own sweet k had a little loss of faith for a while yesterday. These things always seem to happen at times when I can't be there to reassure her and remind her how perfect and special she is.

One of the worst pitfalls of the long-distance online relationship, I guess. There's always a tiny microscopic shred of doubt behind things when most of the relationship takes place as words on a screen. Even with the voice and the webcam and other such enhancements, it's still not the same as sitting next to someone and being able to gauge from their eyes if they're telling you the truth. And we all know how tiny doubts can spin out of control in a very short period of time, given the right conditions.

Those conditions, sadly, are more easily met in an online relationship, especially between two people who have crazy, ever-changing schedules. When things are getting stressful and I need reassurance that k is mine, I can't always just pick up the phone and call, nor can I look forward to lying next to her all night and feeling her closeness that way. Instead, I have to pick out a memory of her (and luckily there are hundreds of wonderful ones to choose from), or just think about who she is and how she is with me.

Takes a little more effort to sit and meditate on stuff like that. It's way easier to have the physical memory of your last kiss still tingling on your lips, your partner's scent still faintly clinging to your clothes. At our most intimate times, I feel those true physical impressions when I'm with my k, but there's a certain amount of mental energy required to call up the memory. Not a lot at all, but a bit more energy than it would take, I think, than if we were a r/l couple in regular physical contact.

And of course when you're stressy and anxious, the last thing you want to do is spend any effort at all to do anything. So the doubts and negativity get free reign for a while. Eventually you get a grip.

Nobody said that having a relationship like this one was going to be easy. But god it's so beautiful and rewarding and simply sublime. k is worth a thousand times more than I could ever give her in a lifetime, but that won't stop me from giving her all I can.





as an added bonus today, I'd like to point you all to a couple of very nice postings on how to have quality cybersex. Fun, with a sense of humor, and mostly very good advice (and I like to think I'm experienced enough to know...)

Dante's Guide to Cybersex Part I: Ground Rules

Dante's Guide to Cybersex--Part II: Descriptive Writing